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is queer being a slur really a controversial position? i know there’s a segment of our community that is trying to reclaim it but i think the other side is just as valid, some of us don’t want the slurs that were used against our community for decades to be used just because we haven’t agreed on a better umbrella term for the community.

sophrosynic:

lj-writes:

lj-writes:

If you don’t identify as queer, have trauma with it or have other objections to it, then we’re not including you when we say “queer community.” Full stop. Also nearly every word LGBTQ+ people have been using for themselves have been slurs at some point, or still are used as such. If you think an alternative would be better, present one and fight for it to be used. Do what you need to do to protect your mental health, filter words, block people, but don’t tell people who need an inclusive term that they can’t have their own identity because you personally object to a word that has been so thoroughly reclaimed that there are “queer studies” and “queer theory.”

@sophrosynic Obviously reclamation is not universal. Words in such common usage by the community such as “gay” and “dyke” are still slurs in many contexts and places, but we don’t see the “queer is a slur” crowd running around trying to shut down these terms.

Also, queer can’t be an umbrella term for all people who are not straight/not cis, and the claim that we’re trying to use it to describe the whole LGBT+ community is false. “Queer” is associated with radical activism and resistance to heteronormativity specifically as a reaction to mainstream LGBT+ politics, so it can’t be replaced with LGBT+ and vice versa.

If you’re not queer then you’re not queer. Simple as that.

Except the problem with the word queer has never really been what you’re saying here. No one is saying that people who use the term as an identity can’t do that, or that the word has to be scrubbed entirely out of existence even in historical & certain contemporary contexts. What people have overwhelmingly tried to critique are the politics of reclamation that people ascribe to when it comes to the word queer, specifically the idea that reclaiming a slur on a personal level somehow stops it from being a slur, period, when this is really not true.

It’s not comparable to words like ‘gay’ or ‘d*ke’, mainly because the word gay is not an analogous slur to begin with, and ‘d*ke’ is a slur that is overwhelmingly derogatory towards lesbians and no one else. Many of the lesbians who use the term don’t deny that it’s still a slur, regardless of their own personal usage of the word, which is exactly why non-lesbians are not allowed to use it to refer to lesbians, even if said lesbian happens to use the word as a personal descriptor. 

It’s great that you’re happy with identifying as queer, and that this is empowering to you. That’s your personal decision, and no one should dictate to you otherwise on the subject. But it’s not a “reclaimed” slur, and it hasn’t stopped being a slur because some folks have chosen to identify as such. It’s still a slur. Acknowledging that is important.

So not being called queer against your wishes isn’t enough for you. Here you are getting honest, telling me you want it to be relegated to historical and **limited** contemporary contexts. You want us to sharply cut back on its use, to the personal and whatever specific contents you decree.

Like, buddy, of course it’s a slur. If it wasn’t a slur it would never have had to be reclaimed. The reclamation is part of the radical act, turning derision and hatred and violence against us into strength. And no it’s not just personal, it’s a political movement with a lot of history–bold of you to try to erase that on your say-so lmao. Queer is purposefully not respectable like LGBT+ because it is meant to be a giant fuck you to heteronormativity. It is a different politics and replacing it with a word that is not a slur misses the entire point. You don’t like that it’s a slur? Then stay in your respectable LGBT+ boxes where you never have to hear a bad word with bad connotations. Queer isn’t for you and it’s not about you.

You want to know what some of the biggest Pride events in my country are? Queer Culture Festival and Queer Parade. Not Gay Pride, because we reject the idea that cis gay men and cis lesbians represent us all. Not LGBT+ because we don’t all fit into neat categories, and no one gets to play cute little tricks like “Drop the T” or “A is for Ally.” Queer, because we are an indivisible whole, and those who want to pull shit like “Lesbian, not queer” know to stay home. We’re not changing that just because you have an issue with how inclusive the term is and the fact that dirty little aceys can claim it just as easily as you.

We’re here. We’re queer. Cover your damned ears and stay in your fucking lane.

I loved your post about Poe, Rose, and Finn being force sensitive too or meta and headcanons. Rose possibly having an influence on others reminds me of the Jedi exile in Star Wars knights of the old republic too and I like the idea of her having a connection to droids or droid related force powers and I think you mentioned battle meditation and Finn. That reminded me of Bastila from sw kotr 1. I also liked that post you reblogged about Rey being selfish and flawed very interesting.

Ooh, nice! I didn’t know the Exile influenced the minds of others (I have got to play that game). I got the idea from some of the broken parts of Rose and Finn’s arcs, specifically the way they seemed to switch places sometimes during the falthier chase. At the end of the chase Rose was suddenly acting calm and kindly after having said she wanted to put her fists through the town, and after arguably having done so. On the flip side Finn was suddenly angry after having been excited at the glamor and glitz of the casino. It made Rose look weirdly inconsistent and Finn naïve and easily led. I thought their having complementary Force powers might help patch that up. Same with the shatterpoint ability and Rose saving Finn, and I couldn’t miss out on a chance to bring up Mace and his novel!

You’re also right that Finn’s Battle Meditation was inspired by Bastila Shan. I wish I’d mentioned that in the post; my headcanon of Finn using BM is so old I forgot the source, lol. I also did not mention Finn’s possible Force immunity (link), a headcanon I got from TFA and has not been debunked in TLJ.

Also, not to brag but the meta about Rey was my original post though inspired by other discussions, especially @jewishcomeradebot.

Reading your excellent meta in the force sensitive five. I liked the Caro one. Who is she? I haven’t seen the last Jedi yet or solo.

This is the referenced post (link), and I’d actually be very surprised if Caro were her actual name, which was why I put the name in quotes. Caro was the code name in a rumored casting call for an African-American actress, and it is thought that Naomi Ackie was cast for the role. We don’t know if the casting call was real or Naomi filled that role, but since we have no name for the character and I didn’t want to leave her out I used the name Caro as the next-best thing. The character and abilities of Caro for that post are entirely my own creation. I’m excited to see what Naomi’s actual character will be like!

I was reading a post of yours about light and dark side and not all elements of the light side are always good. I agree. Passivity in the face of injustice is not good or when some white male atheists think their reason is superior or they think they are better than theists. Not all atheists but racist people like Richard Dawkins. Sometimes Jedi passivity like in the two Star Wars knights of the old republic when they are passive in the mandalorian war. Not good.

The ask was in reference to this post (link) and yeah, this was why Rose’s speech at the end of TLJ bothered me. It may be Light Side and purportedly moral, but many have pointed out that it’s immoral to stand by and watch one’s friends die, reveling in your own morality and how “loving” and nonviolent you are.

And yeah, the idea that anger and passion are inherently evil/inferior and reason superior is something constantly pushed by white men in particular. They even make a game of needling people and then claiming victory when their targets snap, because showing emotion at the derogation of your existence and humanity shows how unintelligent and inferior you are durr hurr. I’m an atheist but believe me, I have Thoughts about these New Atheists who are more accurately called anti-theists.

IMPORTANT LONG POST: How to deal with Aspies, by an Aspie

Note: This is a post submitted to me, and after reviewing it and consulting with an autistic friend I’ve decided to publish it because it is potentially useful information and good advice in general. As with most accommodations, it would make life easier for neurotypical people as well.

One thing I think this essay is missing is that, especially where the person uncomfortable is a woman or girl and the person with Asperger’s is a man or boy, there are good reasons for the woman/girl to fear giving an outright rejection. Most men and boys will not turn violent, obviously, and it’s most certainly not Asperger’s or any other form of autism that makes anyone violent, it’s the general culture of entitlement and objectification that has been taught to men and boys in general. The problem is that she would have no way to tell who is safe and who is not.

Therefore I’d like to emphasize that every situation is different and there might be valid reasons for people to fear setting boundaries in a clear way. I wish we lived in a better world where everyone felt safe having clear and straightforward conversations like the one outlined here. I agree that it’s a good idea for neurotypical people to take the initiative when they judge that it is safe to, and I hope people with Asperger’s will also stay aware of these dynamics and take initiative, such as asking for opinion and advice from neurotypical friends who might catch the nuances better. I’m rooting for you all to be safe and happy in your interactions!

So an Aspie is doing something off-putting. They could be telling jokes that make you squirm. They could be popping their knee to make a weird sound. They could be strongly opinionated and make you wish they’d shut up about it.

Maybe they have a crush on you. You’ll be able to tell. They might act like you guys are way better friends than you are. They might hug you too much and/or at awkward times. They might stand behind you, waiting for you to finish talking to someone so they can have a private conversation with you. They might hang around you at a dance, just kind of keeping an eye on you so they can snag a slow song with you.

And in case you’re wondering, I have done all these things. I still do sometimes, but I’m getting better.

Crushing on you or not, if an Aspie is bothering you, there’s something very important you have to do:

TELL THEM.

THIS. IS NOT. OPTIONAL.

I mean, technically it is, but here’s what happens if you don’t:

1. They keep bothering you because they don’t know they’re doing anything to make you uncomfortable.

2. You get more uncomfortable and distance yourself from them.

3. You break off your friendship (if you had one) and basically do everything you can to block them out because you can’t take it.

4. They realize they screwed up and react accordingly. (Personally, I lower my self-esteem a couple hundred notches, blame myself and listen to Little Lion Man on repeat until anguish becomes depression, depression becomes apathy and apathy dissipates into normality and the pain goes away. I don’t recommend this. The self-esteem scars will linger for a long time.)

Is this your fault? I’m going to say no, because you’re responding naturally and we were bothering you. It’s an annoying neurotypical habit, but we understand your considerate nature makes you loath to admit we’re putting you off. In fact we probably like you because you’re so nice, and we don’t let go of that perception easily. We’d rather assume we’re the exception (and we probably are.)

But the point is, that cycle is internalized and you need to cut it out. We won’t fault you for it. But it’s still a mistake.

I know it’s hard. I’ve experienced it myself, actually, because something utterly unprecedented happened to me recently. Someone had feelings for me. She was nice but not my type and I was a little put off by her forwardness (but having been in her situation myself, combined with the fact that I was starving for this exact experience, I didn’t mind too much.) And it was hard to go up and talk to her about it. It was very similar to when I would try to ask my crush if I’d been making her uncomfortable recently; you look for an opportunity to talk in private, you see what might be a chance to get them alone, you freeze up. I don’t know if this will help, but in my experience an Aspie is pretty much always down for a private conversation about your feelings if you need to take them aside. This is important to us.

If you think they’re crushing, ask them straight up. Honestly, answering yes to that question is way easier than telling you first. Let them down easy. If they don’t have nice guy syndrome (coughs in direction of Aspies who use their awkwardness as an excuse not to change, or worse, to be actively creepy) they’ll understand completely. Although Aspies tend to think if they completely stop making mistakes and be as chivalrous as possible, they just might be able to turn your heart to them. The key distinction here is that those guys understand your favor is something to be earned, whereas NGS types think they only have to be nice to you once before they’re automatically entitled to it. An Aspie recognizes they might never succeed in winning your affections, but what’s the point in not making sure you’re as happy as possible? We’re like dogs. We’ll do literally anything for you, so if you don’t want us to go out of our way to be helpful, you gotta say “down, boy.” Not with those words.

Also, VERY IMPORTANT, we’re not as totally clueless. We learn to smell when something’s up. Problem is we feel paranoid doing it. That’s because neurotypicals don’t always KNOW an Aspie bothering them and their subconscious could be driving you away. Aspies shouldn’t be ashamed of paranoia when it comes to this kind of thing because it’s rarely unjustified. If they come to you, for glory’s sake, DON’T LIE. My crush did this all the time and it turned out awful for both of us. She only got slightly better before our paths separated; she stopped lying but she’d usually ignore the question and let the ‘seen’ speak for itself. (‘SEEN’ does NOT speak for itself! It confuses the HELL out of us 9/10, so DON’T leave us on read! ESPECIALLY IF IT’S A QUESTION!) If she’d communicated better, we might have had a conversation like this:

Her: Hey ___________, can I talk to you for a second?
Me, if this is in person, which is ideal and should always be your first choice: Sure, let’s take this somewhere private. [We do that.]
Me: What’s up?
Her: I don’t know if you know this, but you’ve been doing some things that make me uncomfortable.
Me: Oh no! I’m so sorry! I’d never do that on purpose. What have I been doing?
Her: Well, you’ve been following me around a lot.
Me: I had no idea that bothered you. I just wanted to hang out. I’m so sorry.
Her: It’s alright. You’ve also been hugging me a lot?
Me: Yeah, I had a feeling that was bothering you. I was going to ask about that. I’ll stop.
Her: Thanks.
Me: _______, I want you to know that I care about you a lot and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of me, ever. Is there anything else I’m doing that’s bothering you?
Her: No.
Me: Are you sure? I’ve learned from experience I can’t be too careful. I promise I’ll understand.
Her: Well, you have been telling dark jokes and they make me uncomfortable.
Me: I promise won’t do that around you anymore. Thank you for telling me. Is there anything else?
Her: No.
Me: Often, people will be put off to Aspies subconsciously because we’re different in subtle ways. I need you to be careful to take that into account whenever I make you uncomfortable and you don’t know why. But if you do know why, then just take me aside again. I’m always willing to listen and I’m so proud of you for having the courage to talk to me. If it makes you feel better, I feel nervous trying to talk to you alone too.
Her: That reminds me— do you have a crush on me?
Me: Yes. Thanks— I would have been too nervous to tell you without you asking. Believe me, I tried— remember last time we danced, when I changed the subject and then didn’t say anything?
Her: I remember that. To be honest I’ve kind of known for a long time. I don’t feel the same, I’m sorry.
Me: That’s alright. We’re still friends, right?
Her: Actually, I don’t think we’re that close. Friend isn’t the term I’d use to describe our current relationship, if I’m not being broad.
Me: Would you mind if we got to know each other better and hung out more, so we could become friends?
Her: I’m willing to try that.
Me: Thank you. I won’t expect anything more to come of our relationship than that, even if I may hold out hope that it might.
Her: Alright. Will you understand if being friends doesn’t work out?
Me: Right now, I don’t think I can honestly say if I will, but I’ll be willing to break off completely if it makes you happy.
Her: Alright. Good talk.
Me: It certainly was. I’m glad we’re being open with each other.

If we’d sat down and done that, we wouldn’t have had the train collision that happened instead. (Again, I take all the blame on myself; communicating this openly is a learned practice. And obviously, it’d be awkward if your conversations were as specifically and literally honest as the one above.) This applies to romantic and platonic relationships alike. Heck, try this with non-Aspies even. It’ll probably help your relationship with them and help you unlearn the practice of saying what they want to hear and doing what you really mean. Hypocrisy is terrible for interaction and relationships.

tl;dr: If an Aspie is bothering you, TELL THEM.

Bryan Young, writer of StarWars site, tweeted “TLJ is a gorgeous masterpiece” “I think Hux played for laughs is the right thing in this day and age, the same way Chaplin emasculated Hitler in the Great Dictator.” he is really trying to compare….. the Great Dictator to Rian’s script?

thelastjedicritical:

lj-writes:

I know Charlie Chaplin. You, Rian Johnson, are not Charlie Chaplin.

So now we can randomly put what people consider are N*zi parodies in movies that we otherwise consider serious, let this character still have a serious position and let him slap a black man who’s in his knees bc then suddenly he’s not a parody anymore, huh? This is what RJ and also TLJ stans don’t get: this isn’t a parody, this movie is meant to take itself and its universe seriously to a certain degree. If you do half serious and half weird meta commentary on society you end up with this garbage. But then I’d also like to know how playing most things related to Finn for laughs fits into this? Should we at this day and age ridicule black men?

is queer being a slur really a controversial position? i know there’s a segment of our community that is trying to reclaim it but i think the other side is just as valid, some of us don’t want the slurs that were used against our community for decades to be used just because we haven’t agreed on a better umbrella term for the community.

lj-writes:

If you don’t identify as queer, have trauma with it or have other objections to it, then we’re not including you when we say “queer community.” Full stop. Also nearly every word LGBTQ+ people have been using for themselves have been slurs at some point, or still are used as such. If you think an alternative would be better, present one and fight for it to be used. Do what you need to do to protect your mental health, filter words, block people, but don’t tell people who need an inclusive term that they can’t have their own identity because you personally object to a word that has been so thoroughly reclaimed that there are “queer studies” and “queer theory.”

@sophrosynic Obviously reclamation is not universal. Words in such common usage by the community such as “gay” and “dyke” are still slurs in many contexts and places, but we don’t see the “queer is a slur” crowd running around trying to shut down these terms.

Also, queer can’t be an umbrella term for all people who are not straight/not cis, and the claim that we’re trying to use it to describe the whole LGBT+ community is false. “Queer” is associated with radical activism and resistance to heteronormativity specifically as a reaction to mainstream LGBT+ politics, so it can’t be replaced with LGBT+ and vice versa.

If you’re not queer then you’re not queer. Simple as that.

To be clear, I NEVER use my autism as an excuse. (And to anyone who does, screw you. You’re making us look terrible.) LJ’s judgement was correct. And she knew I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable. Especially because I learned to be paranoid and ask all the time. She learned too late not to lie to spare my feelings. PSA to NTs: if an Aspie is bothering you, TELL THEM. WE WANT TO KNOW. Also, BE SPECIFIC AND HONEST, ESPECIALLY WHEN ASKED ABOUT IT. WE CARE ABOUT YOU.

Good tip! I think it’s wonderful that you’re taking proactive steps to avoid making your crush uncomfortable. Also tagging @fettjango for the clarification.

*eyeroll* I don’t think Finn should be with a girl who ran off to touch hands with the dude who cut his back open or with the dude who was like “here’s your jacket back loser” and I’m a sekrit reylo? Ok whatever. The fandom is shit rn because people refuse to listen to other points of view but fine. I will write about this in my own blog and I’ll expect an apology or an unfollow. Your choice. Oh and I’m not white or a reylo or a damerey. I’m a finn stan, period. As you said, byeeeeee!

You’re one of my mutuals with your own blog and you thought you’d send me anons, when you KNOW I’ve had shady ones in the past, instead of, idk, talking to me as yourself or making a post on your own blog? That’s a little too much weirdness for me. Kindly block me while you’re at it.