Tfw you hate a fictional character so much you throw actual child victims of war crimes under the bus
wow
literally the worst misunderstanding of how child soldiers live
Yup, according to op it’s unrealistic for child soldiers to escape their abusers at risk to their own lives, or become doctors and artists and have families. Nevermind that all of these things haveactuallyhappened (cw child abuse, death, violence at links). Reality is so lazily written, you know?
This comic came up in my work recently, as I was interviewing Janice about design and disability. She generously gave me permission to quote her in the comic. All the characters in this comic represent feedback I’ve heard as an accessibility professional, both from disabled and able-bodied folks.
It’s always interesting when I’m giving an accessible design 101 workshop how many people come with ideas about disability as a binary thing – they often think of the most extreme form of a disability as the most common kind (ex – a person with a visual disability literally getting no visual input, a person in a wheelchair not being able to move at all), whereas disabilities manifest in lots of different ways, and fluctuate with time and circumstance. This is why there’s not one perfect accessibility solution, and we need flexibility and accommodation in the way we design our environments and systems!
Anyways, mostly remember that you don’t know for sure what’s going on when you look at someone, and in the face of uncertainty, try to default to kindness. That serves me pretty well.
Making a mad libs form for Loki, Kylo Ren, and Grant Ward defense posts.
They all tend to read EXACTLY the same. So why not have some fun with that. 😛
[Villain] suffered extreme trauma due to [Childhood Speculation Unsupported by Canon], and in the end [Hero they have personally harmed] will be shown to be the truly evil one and [Villain] will live happily ever after with [Major Female Character/Favorite Slash Pairing].
Antis constantly ignore that [Villain] TOTALLY suffers from [speculation of abuse or mental illness based on offensive stereotyping]! Antis hate actual suffers of [speculated abuse or mental illness]!
[Villain] was justified in his actions toward [hero they have personally harmed] and [many innocent people] because of [inaccurate understanding of the definitions of “legal”, “governmental sanction”, “war” and/or “espionage”].
[Hero they have personally harmed] can’t possibly feel [emotional reaction based on Villain’s direct actions against them or others] because they are at least somewhat at fault for not understanding [Villain]’s terrible position!
I found my old madlibs post. Here’s an addition:
It’s hypocritical for someone to dislike [Villain] more than [another character who is a victim of explicit mind control, was enslaved at the time, or is an actual child.]
Can we talk about the fact that empathy and compassion are two completely different things? And that while empathy is often handy to have, compassion is absolutely crucial?
Quick background so we’re all on the same page. For the sake of this post:
Empathy = knowing how another person feels, or being able to imagine how they feel. “Putting yourself in another person’s shoes.”
Compassion = believing that all human beings deserve opportunity, safety, respect, and dignity, and then working to ensure that. Compassion is caring when you see another human suffer, simply because they are a human being, and they deserve care and respect.
Examples:
A simple example of empathy is when you see someone stub their toe. Many people (though not all) will think, “Ouch!”
I have empathy for a lot of people, because their experiences are similar enough to mine that I can understand or imagine what they’ve been through. (Side note: studies have also shown that reading fiction can increase empathy too, which is why representation in media is so important.)
But here’s the thing: you don’t have to have (the standard definition of) empathy to be a good person, or to care about other people. People with certain neurotypes are predisposed to have low empathy. People in vastly different life situations will probably have a hard time empathizing with each other too.
This is where compassion comes in, and why compassion is ultimately far, far more important than empathy, especially since compassion has to translate to action, to be of any use.
There are a *lot* of people, especially marginalized ones, that I’ll never have true empathy for (again, with the standard definition of empathy, listed above.)
For example, I’m white, and I’ll never truly understand the micro aggressions that people of color face every day. I’ll never experience that.
But here’s the main point of my post: I shouldn’t have to understand you, to care about you. I can validate experiences I’ll never have, simply by believing and supporting the people who have those experiences, and then working toward justice.
Reblogging because I’ve been thinking about this when it comes to neurodiversity, and specifically Autism.
When NT people say, for example, “Autistic people have no empathy,” what they mean is, “Autistic people don’t think, feel, and experience the world as I do, and I think that that’s a bad thing.” They’re saying they think Autistic people are inherently morally wrong for not immediately and intuitively understanding them, without them having to actually communicate their wants, needs, and boundaries.
We could just as easily flip the script, and say, “It’s unfair to expect other people to magically understand how you feel, unless you communicate it. And communication only counts if you do it in a way that others can understand.”
“Communicate your wants and needs” is generally understood to be good relationship advice, but it’s somehow never a courtesy that’s extended to ND people. We’re expected to do the work of learning and emulating a whole new way of being, and we’re expected to do this without help, while being bullied, and without that work ever being acknowledged.
And it’s really fucking frustrating.
The world would be a so much better place if, instead of saying, “Autistic people have no empathy and are therefore Bad,” we said, “Autistic people think, feel, and experience the world in a unique way. And that’s okay. Let’s talk about the differences, and figure out ways that NTs and Autistics can successfully communicate and share space.”
See the difference? It’s really not hard.
Sharing the burden of a social task is Kindness 101. And while I understand that NT people lack empathy toward Autistic people (in the sense that they honestly can’t relate to our experiences) it costs 0 dollars to put in their half of the social work, and show compassion to people who aren’t exactly like them.
Absolutely. I’m about to fucking scream on this issue and this explains why beautifully.
This this this. We don’t have to have the same experiences or a complete understanding of others’ mental states to choose to be decent to one another. It’s why, looking back, I rolled my eyes so hard at the movie Nuremberg (2000) where a psychologist character says at one point, “Evil is lack of empathy.” No, it fucking isn’t. It’s lack of compassion.
I just saw Finn described as a “psychopath” and now I feel ill.
@kyberfox Unclear, since it was an unsourced indirect quote in a Korean wiki article. On the other hand it’s just a blunter statement of the criticisms that he killed Stormtroopers and didn’t feel bad enough about it. That he’s unfeeling, violent, his seeming humanitarianism is for his self-image, etc. (The last one by a reylo “feminist”)
The article also questioned whether he actually had PTSD because, it claimed, the symptoms went away in the third act and he was cheering the deaths of Stormtroopers which um, no he wasn’t? TIE pilots aren’t Stormtroopers, and in any case SORRY HE DIDN’T WANT TO GET KILLED WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO
I don’t like that logic whether it’s applied to Vader or Kylo
because it’s just the tired old stereotype of multiples (many of whom
have dissociative identity disorder) being dangerous people with evil
personas they can’t control. There’s no evidence whatsoever that either
Vader or Kylo are actually different people from Anakin and Ben.
Separating them is a figure of speech at best, one that conveniently
absolves the former identities of responsibility at the expense of
blaming their evil on mental illness. It’s terrible when applied to
Anakin and terrible when applied to Ben. They both chose to do evil, and
whatever names they took on in the process are just window dressing.
Like… the intention is good, but I don’t know how I feel about the angle of “you shouldn’t bully someone because you may not know the whole story”. You shouldn’t bully because it’s fucked up.
That girl you called fat, maybe she’s NOT starving herself. Maybe she just likes to eat. You want to call her names because of that? Fuck you.
That girl you called a slut, maybe she’s not a virgin, maybe she’s had a lot of sex with different people, sex is fucking AWESOME! Your hang ups with women and sexuality is not her problem. You’re an asshole.
That boy you pushed down in the hall… maybe everything’s great at home for him, so the fuck what? Don’t put your hands on people you piece of shit.
That black girl you teased for her skin color… just, fuck you, period. Doesn’t matter what the fuck is going on in her life, you’re fucking garbage. Get the fuck out of here.
The old man with the scars… seriously? Like… if you’re making fun of an old man’s scars you’re too far gone, you’re some kind of amoral sociopath or something cause that’s just some fucked up shit.
That “gay boy” you made fun of? Go fuck yourself.
The man you made fun of for crying? He just watched the episode of the Office where Jim and Pam get married, so what? Who cares why he’s crying? People have emotions dipshit.
That poor boy? Oh you’re one of those assholes who makes fun of poor people? Go die in a fire.
How about just don’t bully people at all for any reason cause it’s a fucked up thing to do regardless of what you do or don’t know about them? Treat people the way you want to be treated, it’s that simple. We’re all human beings just trying to be happy, you make the world a worse place when you try to stand in the way of that.
I fixed it. 🙂
Much better
Carrying the fandom load
It does get tiring at times staying conscious of bigoted tropes in fandom, deciding not to support racist art, wondering if a quote is appropriative of Jewish experiences, discarding a homophobic fanwork idea, and more.
So as a Fandom Old I can see why some fans long for the “good old days.” Back then anything went! Total creative freedom! We were wild and unfettered! None of these long-winded discussions, we just went and did it and did not give a single fuck!
Except freedom wasn’t for everyone, was it? You only had that total freedom if you were unaffected by fandom’s racism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, ableism, and a host of other bigotries that are a reflection of the world we live in.
Fandom was never the carefree, escapist enterprise some of us like to think it was. It’s just that minority fans were bearing the load of others’ freedom in silence. Too often, fans who were marginalized in real life could not escape to fandom because fandom would uncritically celebrate their oppression and trauma. And if they dared to speak about it they were bullied and shouted down into silence, into leaving.
I speak in the past tense but this is still ongoing, obviously. Fans of marginalized identities are a little more vocal now, but are facing a sustained and vicious backlash that accuses them of being “bullies” and starting “discourse” and “drama” and of “virtue signalling.”
It’s not about discourse or virtue, though. It’s about fans being told that they are not welcome unless they bite their tongues, grin, and go along with a thousand stings and slaps in the very spaces they go to have fun. It’s about fans having to watch characters who look like them be constantly erased and demonized. It’s about fans having to spend endless amounts of time and energy educating other fans about their oppression when all they’d like to do is unwind after a long day made longer by those very issues.
It’s not about virtue. It’s about people.
The thing is, fans who criticize minority fans and their allies for “discourse” aren’t angry about the fact that fandom puts these psychological burdens on minority fans. They’re mad about having to share a tiny little part of the burden minority fans, most visibly Black women, have been carrying for too long. In the minds of these “discourse”-critical fans the burden of considering the impact of fandom and fanworks is not theirs to bear. It is the lot of fans who are not them, “others,” to pay the cost for the majority’s creative freedom. The very suggestion that the load exists, and worse, that all of fandom should share in it so marginalized fans don’t carry it so disproportionately, is enough to make a lot of fans uncomfortable. I know, because I feel that discomfort at times, too.
The thing is, the load of thinking about marginalization in fandom spaces was always mine to bear. It’s every fan’s responsibility to be conscious of how they create and consume fanwork so that they don’t hurt other fans, so fandom can be inclusive and fun for everyone.
No, it’s not pleasant. It’s not fun to always watch yourself and second guess your choices, to fall short anyway and be called out and confront the fact that you have so many unconscious biases and have hurt others. I get it. I do. I want to think of myself as a good person. I don’t like admitting to wrongdoing. I hate challenging myself. I don’t want to think about this hard stuff. I just want to have fun!
But think about how much LESS fun it is when it’s your own humanity on the line. Many marginalized fans don’t have the luxury of just letting go and having fun, not when they always have to brace themselves for the next psychological assault.
These fans have been carrying this fandom burden and are punished for saying it’s too heavy. If you’re feeling a little less feather light in fannish activities than you used to, that’s a good sign! It means you’re starting to carry, in a very small measure, the fandom load of consciousness. It’s something you should be carrying as part of a community, and chances are it’s still not nearly as heavy a load as many marginalized fans are still made to bear.
A community joins together, watches out for its members, shares in the good and the bad. If some members are asked to bear the costs of others’ fun and either stay silent about it or leave, then the promise of community rings pretty hollow, doesn’t it? Sometimes discomfort is a good thing, and if my small discomfort means I am sharing in a tiny measure of my rightful load in fandom spaces, then it is a very good thing indeed.
That 40 year old reylo who made up the story abt arguing with a 14 yr old at work deactivated so we w ont be able to see more of these gems
I’m fully convinced this person has no real friends outside of tumblr
Hey guys just an fyi, I was pretty good friends with this reylo and she is autistic (and only 37) so idk this might just be something she does so maybe try not to pick to much at this
So you knew she was autistic, yet still ran in reading her stories to make y’all feel validated in what y’all stand for?
You do realize that makes you and your Reylo “family” look like assholes?Especially considering she was “only” 37? Sure, you can’t control what she writes, but you and others could have warned her about how it was going to be perceived in and out of SW fandom. Considering how she kept going with this for so long and with thatreasonably large amount of notes in them, I sincerely doubt any of you did that.
Makes me realize the situation is pretty saddening. Some of your friends stood behind this as the truth, and now your fandom either pretends it was all just a fairy tale she made up that noooo one helped enable or that the viral story is serving as a “positive” outlook for the ship. At least, that is what is being visibly projected right now.
It’s like watching a family sacrificing a relative to give rise to their own delusions.
Twisted and dysfunctional. You’re only doing more harm to your friend, as a “friend”.
There is no justification at this. There is just no way. What she wrote was ridiculous.
Just further proves that reylos don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything else other than their ship LMFAO. Kinda sad.
honestly though i have so many thoughts….
1) if your excuse is “she can’t help lying bc she’s autistic” that is ableist as fuck! what! infantilizing a 37 year old bc she’s autistic?? also gross. what is this; autistic people aren’t unable to keep from lying what the fuck
2) even if that was a valid excuse, why didn’t anyone who wasn’t atuistic tell her anything, then? if you recognize/d that it was wrong, why didn’t you do? something?? instead of believing (& supporting) a fake story about arguing with kids in public. like. what.
Yeah, I’m with @dahanci on this one. What exactly do you mean by she was just autistic and only. Because that sound
ableist
as fuck to implying autistic people are going around making up lies. That’s not….that’s not how autism works. It’s like being an asshole and then blaming on on depression. No, you are just an asshole that happens to also have depression. That doesn’t mean every depress person is going around being an asshole.
If they were making stories like this it was not because they are 37 and autistic, that excuse might function when dealing with a 4 year old. It’s because you guys were feeding into their stories and they liked the attention.
hey as an autistic person, i would just want to say that her being autistic doesn’t mean she’s going to be lying and making up stories and literally the way you said she’s autistic and only 37 is ableist as hell and infantizing bc at 37 you should really know better even when your autistic like literally all you done is shown how little you actually know about autism and like just being very insulting (and also just saying autism isn’t an damn excuse anyway just saying )
Wow you mean… using neurodiversity as an excuse for bad behavior isn’t something they only do with fictional characters? Amazing 🤔
Can’t wait for the day some BNF re/ylo says people hating their toxic, dangerous ship is oppression
Haven’t they already said that though?
You know, it wouldn’t surprise me. I haven’t seen it, but I would believe it exists.
@nutheadgee you know, I was worried I might be putting evil out into the world but the evil I feared was here all along
Remember “reylophobe”
Remember a shipper using #loveislove for a reylo post, also dragging Tangled into it because evidently they need to spread the misery to other fandoms as well
Remember them saying their fave is neurodiverse so disliking their ship is ableist
Remember them comparing Killer Rem’s to trans experiences remember remember remember
This isn’t even a new thing. It was the playbook from Day 1.
L.J.'s Obsessions 