Tag: abuse

I did not expect to be crying so much writing Sook-Hee meta. I often cry while writing metas and stories because dooooork, but I had some really bad interactions with my emotionally abusive, homophobic shitstain of a father today and I guess that’s why I felt the need to start writing this meta. It is both therapeutic and painful. This is one of those metas I want to turn into a video eventually, but idk if I can keep my voice steady during some of the passages lmao

Hi, I’m a 17-year-old Asian girl with abusive family. I just want to say that your post about children not owing their parents almost made me cry. It gave me hope and comfort. My Mum berates me nearly each day and makes it seem like wanting to have fun even after I’ve overexerted myself all day is a huge offence. I’m doing crazy well in school; my teachers praise me; she makes me feel worthless and like her supporting me is something I should earn/spend my life repaying. Thank you (from a child)

Oh, hon. You remind me so much of myself at your age. To this day I feel guilty about taking breaks because I was told resting is for people who lack focus and drive. It gives me a lot of hope, though, that you’re able to name your family’s treatment of you as abuse at your age. I couldn’t even bring myself to identify as an abuse victim until late into my 20s, after doing a lot of reading and soul-searching. It makes me happy that young people these days are much quicker about identifying mistreatment for what it is, and that they find help and moral support online. Hopefully you can unfold faster from under your family’s thumb than I did, and that you’ll be left with fewer long-lasting effects. I’m sorry your family situation is so hard, and I wish you all the help, rest, and recovery once you are in a better place.

reasons i think harry potter is indian

shakspaeree:

  • harry could be anglicised form of hari, which is another name for the indian god vishnu who reincarnates on earth to restore justice
  • potter could be anglicised potdar or potluri
  • the night he died, james was making pretty-colored lights for harry 31 october 1981 was deepavali, the indian festival of lights
  • fleamont potter making money through potions after coming from india as a first gen. immigrant
  • fleamont potter made hair potions which was really just charmed coconut oil
  • people would notice harry’s green eyes all the time if he was half desi
  • when harry has visions through voldemorts eyes that he always distances himself using voldemort’s whiteness or how pale the hand was or something to that effect
  • unlikely couple james and lily potter prophesied to have a world-saving baby is literally the motif of the indian epic kumarasambhava
  • harry flying on buckbeak is god vishnu on garuda iconography
  • i am indian
  • and i like harry potter
  • he’s my sweet sunflower child

This puts the Dursleys’ abuse of Harry in a whole new light, not to mention their refusal to treat Harry as a member of the family. Like, I can totally imagine Dudley and his buddies chasing him and calling him slurs.

jewishcomeradebot:

Me going off on twitter about how much I hate the “Finn is too well adjusted to be traumatized” shit.

Transcript:

God I hate the “too well adjusted to be traumatized/an abuse survivor” argument. Apart from the clear racist bias there I hate it because it dismisses any survivor who’s coping mechanisms aren’t overtly destructive or self-destructive.

Just because Finn’s coping mechanisms doesn’t involve throwing tantrums, assaulting or screaming at people, doesn’t mean he doesn’t display clear coping with trauma, or that he isn’t traumatized by what the FO did to him or that he grew up in a very abusive environment.

For one thing he’s clearly compartmentalizing the hell out of his life and he also seems to use goal orientation as a coping strategy to avoid dealing too much with the chaos that is inside of him. But that chaos and his emotions does overflow at times.

But then he’s right back to coping again. Every time one of his goals are achieved he tries to pick up a new one. It is so damn obvious. And yes it helps move him (and the plot) along, but that’s because he is in action oriented situations so far.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t coping mechanisms and that these might become bad in the long term. It could be interested to see what Finn ‘sans goal’ for a lengthy period would do to deal. We’ve already seen him when his compartments bled and how that makes him panic.

But non-destructive coping mechanisms – self or otherwise – doesn’t mean “well adjusted”, doesn’t mean “not traumatized” or “less traumatized”. It just means “the way this person copes fits their current situation, but that doesn’t minimize the pain and trauma they’ve suffered”

I could easily have continued here because Finn displays far more than just this. But I felt my twitter novel was long enough and I hate the character limit on that platform.

So yeah, apart for the obvious racist bias in the argument in displaying a complete lack of ability to emphasize with a Black man’s pain, people who do this have also just dismissed every single “good survivor” out there who’s coping mechanisms aren’t openly maladjusted.

But to reiterate. Coping in ways that aren’t overtly damaging to self or others doesn’t mean a person was less abused or is less suffering/was less harmed/is less in pain from what they were put through. It just means that they’ve found coping strategies that aren’t openly harmful to others and not immediately harmful to themselves either.

Though Finn’s methods of compartmentalizing and picking goals to avoid dealing with his emotional chaos and pain can easily long term come back to bite him in the ass and become maladjusted and harmful. But for the time being they have helped him along rather than hindered him.

And you know, that’s what coping evolves to do. Help you in a situation where everything is fucked up.

Kylo Ren challenges Rey to grow and spread her wings. He doesn’t let Rey stay stagnant and he doesn’t let her remain in her bubble. How does he do this? By challenging her beliefs, her decisions and her convictions. Kylo Ren challenges her in that area in ways that Finn does not.

awesome-bamon:

“Spread her wings”  by telling her she is nothing but to him, So she can cry and make her breakdown enough to exploit her for his own selfish gains of trying to get her to join his side.  Nah no woman needs a man that “challenges” her by belittling her and purposely exploiting a painful part of her life to get her to breakdown enough and bring her down to his level for whatever he wants from her. 

Stop trying to make it seem a man wanting to convince a woman that she is worthless and nothing to everyone and in everything except for in relation to him, as something honorable, loving, or romantic on the man’s part. 

Finn is a real man who doesn’t need to painfully exploit Rey’s past to break her down or to use her parents as a weapon to get her to bend to his will.  Real men build a woman up from her painful past not use it to tell her his version of the “truth” that she is nothing except to him.

This ask is sad because it parrots a common lie about abuse–that it toughens you up, builds your character, and is otherwise “for your own good.” That’s how abusers justify torturing their victims. It took me a long time to see through the lie and realize that tearing down someone’s self worth to make them compliant is NEVER necessary for their growth. That is the antithesis of growth–not a progress into independence but a regression into dependence on the abuser’s goodwill and approval. It is always immoral and unjustifiable, and serves no one’s interest but the abuser’s.

Anon, if someone told you that the way Kylo treated Rey was good for her, they’re wrong. If someone made you believe you or anyone else had to be told they are worthless in order to be “challenged” and “grow,” they are a liar. If you yourself believe you are justified in berating someone and calling them nothing, and if you threaten someone’s well-being for not doing as you say, then you are an abuser. Ship what you like but you don’t have to justify Kylo’s actions toward Rey to ship it.