Yes telling your child they are fat/useless/stupid or any of that is abuse.
Don’t be abusive. Love your kids and those who trust you and are in your care.
How about unless you’re a parent, shut up.
Hmm no thanks 🙂 as a kid who was abused I have really specific opinions on this.
Don’t hit your kids, thanks
I’m a parent. Don’t hit your kids and don’t tear them down.
I have a Master’s degree in Child Development (and I’m a parent, because I guess that’s the only way to have an opinion on parenting??). Don’t hit your kids. It’s abuse. Don’t belittle them. That’s abuse. Don’t ignore them. That’s neglect.
Care about your kids. Read a couple researched backed parenting books. Stuff your pride, and learn how to be a good parent. It’s not all about instinct.
Schizophrenic/psychotic people are especially vulnerable to various types of abuse and we need to talk about it.
If you’re used to doubting your own perceptions and relying on other people for reality checks, you’re much more vulnerable to gaslighting.
If you’re already paranoid, people can easily fuel that paranoia and use it to further isolate and control you.
If you’re delusional or hallucinating, people can manipulate you further into your delusions/hallucinations and use them to control you and abuse you.
If you’re used to ignoring your instincts because they’re rarely reliable, you might accidentally ignore som very real red flags.
If you rely on a person to take care of you, you may be forced to ignore mistreatment because you don’t have other options.
If you struggle to communicate with other people due to thought disorders, disorganized/atypical speech or lack of speech (alogia) you may struggle to speak up and ask for help.
If you have a psychosis spectrum disorder of any kind, it can be used by your abuser to invalidate and dismiss you if you do speak up against your abuse.
So please look out for your schizophrenic friends, relatives and acquaintances – cause we can’t always look out for ourselves.
It would mean a lot to me if you’d consider reblogging this as schizophrenics are usually the ones painted as dangerous and scary, and it’s important to me that people as many people as possible see that we’re usually the ones who are vulnerable and scared.
What gets me about Reylo is that it’s basically a self-insert ship. Reylos are attracted, en masse, to white boy Kylo Ren and wanna hop on his dick, which makes Rey – the attractive female lead – the catalyst of their thirst. That has to be the explanation for this shit:
What about the expression on Rey’s face indicates that she finds her captor at all attractive? Without context: she looks like she’s trying to get away from a nasty, stank-breath dude with no understanding of personal space. With context: he is torturing her for information. She is CRYING.
Reylos DO NOT care about Rey, they only care about Kylo Ren and his dead “Ben Solo” identity – which is another attempt at making him out to be attractive (in this case: redeemable, kind at heart, selfless) when canon evidence presents otherwise.
Additionally, while it’s obvious how a relationship with Rey would benefit Kylo (she would “make him a better man”), what could “Ben” give her that someone else couldn’t? Admiration and unconditional love? (If someone who murdered their own father in cold blood is even capable of such a thing). There’s Finn, standing right there, clinging to her like she’s his lifeline:
Without context, it can be understood that they care for each other deeply. With context, we see Rey embracing a boy, now a man, whom she adores and who, in turn, adores her. A relationship between Finn and Rey would be one of mutual respect; we’ve already seen how they build each other up and support one another. What’s important here is that neither Rey nor Finn would have to change.
What I’m saying is: Finnrey is an actual relationship. Reylo is wish-fulfillment.
“Reylos don’t care about Rey”
Bullshit.
You’re full of shit OP. You are absolutely full of shit.
Let’s also not forget to mention Rey spends the first half of TFA desperately trying to set up personal space boundaries with Finn. Anything can be interpreted any way.
Is this the same first half where Kylo tortures Rey, or did you just ignore that part? See, you Reylos don’t even understand her character at all! Rey grew up without any friends whatsoever and Finn, whom she canonically “adores”, was the first person to try and connect with her in a meaningful way. Considering her childhood on Jakku, of COURSE she set up barriers at first. By the end of it, she was kissing Finn on the forehead and taking HIS hand. That’s literally what TFA is about: Rey learning to love and trust people. That is NOT up to “interpretation” – that is canon.
It honestly terrifies me that reylows can look at rey looking scared, angry, discouraged, sad, even outright CRYING IN PAIN from Kylo’s treatment and still sexualize her reaction. Nothing says “I care about you” like “I find your misery and humiliation sexy.”
Also did that absolute weapon seriously compare Finn taking Rey’s hand in an emergency to Kylo abducting and torturing her wtf is wrong with these people
I think the author of Twilight is a member of the LDS church, and though the more conservative strains of Mormonism may have some things in common with Christian fundamentalism there’s enough anti-Mormon bigotry in Christian fundamentalist circles that they probably shouldn’t be conflated. But you’re right, it’s a very specific and to me creepy kind of wish fulfillment.
TLJ may be more Christian than you think, though. I had conversations with both @kyberfox and @attackfish about how blatantly, painfully white and Christian a story TLJ is, more in the cultural than religious sense. It’s really a jarring tonal change from TFA which was directed and written by Jewish creators.
As a result Rey is no longer the scrappy heroine from TFA burning with anger at the injustice done to her and those she loves. Rather she’s a pure and patient maiden devoted to the redemption of the “sinner” who wronged her. The whole movie has a pretty nonsensical message about how you shouldn’t hate your oppressors for Reasons and love will save us all? Somehow?
So yeah, Rey is one of the characters who were failed by the storytelling but her story is also symptomatic of the movie as a whole and its incoherent, sometimes downright repugnant message.
@thatfantasylovingdork Okay. You seem desperate enough for my attention to get into my notes months after I ignored your first comment, so let’s do this.
First of all, I am not Jewish myself and was relying on comments by my some of my Jewish friends that their culture is more accepting of anger as a response to injustice, and women’s anger in particular, compared to cultural Christianity dominant in Europe and the U.S. Rey’s character could be seen as a reflection of such a cultural archetype. I certainly don’t mean that all Jewish people are angry (though I don’t blame them if they are tbh), or thatthere is any one Jewish experience or any one Jewish culture for that matter. It’s a statement of a few anecdotal experiences with particular Jewish cultures, just like yours is.
Second of all, I don’t know what to say if you think Rey was angry and easily pissed off for “no reason,” especially toward the end after you watched her assaulted, kidnapped, tortured, and forced to watch people she cared about murdered and almost murdered. I heartily hope you don’t apply that standard to real people.
Third of all, since you are so very ready to invalidate the effect of everything Kylo Ren ever did (”no reason” lmao), it’s not surprising that you’re calling for him to be forgiven or rather, it seems to me, absolved of all accountability for his actions. I don’t even want him to die, personally, I want him to be in jail for the rest of his life to think about what he’s done. Would you be okay with that, I wonder, or is that too violent for you? I’m also okay with him dying a violent death, and if he is killed it will be to end the immediate threat he represents and not a “heartless murder.”
@thatfantasylovingdork Thank you for taking the time to tell me about your beliefs, but not everyone believes in supernatural beings or a divine/universal will. I don’t believe in the death penalty but I’m not crying for hanged Nazis, and killing in self-defense is entirely justifiable.
Also did you just say “misandrist” like it’s a real thing asdjklf yes, I’m sure Rey was “rude” because Finn was a guy and not because she initially (and mistakenly, thanks BB-8) thought he was a thief and possibly a murderer, and later because she was told she had become a shooting target because of him. I’m sure the real problem was his gender. Yeah. Right.
I… can’t tell anymore if you’re serious or trolling? This oh-so-caring woman had just tried to kill him and his friend twice, and the first time she deliberately wanted to make them suffer. How could Finn have rescued her without risking his own life? Climb down into a firepit when she was a still-active threat who would no doubt have tried to kill him again? Why did he have to repay a lifetime of abuse plus recent attempts to kill him by risking his life for hers?
But yeah, sure it was because she was white. Because reverse racism is just as real as misandry. Lmaoooo.
Tell me, do you make a habit of disregarding outright attempts to kill people and calling abuse “caring?” If you do this to real people I really want you to get far away from me and preferably people in general.
gaslighting is a specific abuse tactic in which someone consistently and deliberately makes someone doubt their perception of reality, frequently by doing something and then denying it, over and over, in order to make their victim question everything and establish control over them
it does not mean: someone lied to you once, someone got something wrong, a politician lied, someone you don’t know on the internet told you that you were wrong, someone didn’t believe you, etc
I’m also sorry about your mom, because what she’s doing sounds extremely racist, invalidating, insensitive, and uncaring. And I can imagine how much this hurts, especially when it comes from family.
I won’t say that you can convince her, because man, I think we all have at least that one family member that’s like that, whom maybe we’ve tried to explain things to, to no avail.
I don’t know your mom or your relationship with her. I don’t know if a heartfelt letter to her or sending her readings or an open and earnest (and probably inevitably intense) sit-down talk will do it (or be possible in the first place). If you think she might be, then I do recommend trying these things, and I know neither would be easy to do. It’s not an easy conversation.
It might go something like this, “Mom, I know you love me and care about me. I know it’s a subject that makes you uncomfortable / upsets (or other word) you, but it’s real important to me that we talk about it. Some of the things you say make me feel real terrible and it’s hurting our relationship.”
Even if you never convince her that her racism is wrong, maybe you can convince her to at least stop vocalizing it. Because she loves you. That’s probably the best compromise you can hope for if she won’t listen / learn / agree with you and or/if you’re unable to not live with your family.
If she brings up racism towards white people, you can say “We can have a conversation about that at another time if it ‘s also something that upsets you, but right now we’re talking about / I would like to talk about this.”
Moreover, even if “reverse racism” / “racism to whites” existed, that doesn’t mean that it’s ok for her to do it to you, even if she thinks you’re racist to her. I wonder if she actually feels upset about Starbucks related comments, or just the perceived unfairness that “PoC can raise these issues as racist but whites can’t”. Because if that’s true, I recommend she understand the difference between everybody being treated the same and everybody being treated fairly (because these two things aren’t the same).
I hope this can help you start. Please, other comments below?
Mod W
I’m also Korean and I have an abusive, racist dad who is also Korean. His racism isn’t directed at me but at Black and brown people, and that was bad enough–I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I were the target. Like when I was a teenager he once hit me with a stick over an argument that started with my commenting that a Black woman in hanbok was beautiful and him telling me Black people aren’t beautiful. He claimed he discplined me because I raised my voice at him, but I’m not going to dignify an act of violence and intimidation done in clear anger with even the term punishment, though I am opposed to corporeal punishment in general. And YEAH you’re gonna get some voices raised at you if you’re gonna be that ugly a racist, bitch. You’re lucky I didn’t punch you out.
Anyway.
Op’s suggestion could be worth a try if anon hasn’t tried something like it before. That said, if anon’s mom is anything like my dad it’s futile. My adolescence and early adulthood were a long series of heartfelt conversations with my dad, with my entire family trying and trying to get through to him. My brother and I called him out on his racist comments, we all told him how his controlling and overbearing behavior affected us, we tried arguing, we tried being gentle and genuine, we gave ultimatums, my mom once left home and disappeared for a day after he had been particularly nasty, she said she wanted a divorce, everything. I asked him to go to therapy, though I now doubt it would have worked. We tried everything.
None of it worked. He played victim, said we were ungrateful, said it was because of his trauma, said it was the generation gap, said we needed to change and not him. I remember how Mom and I once cried together in her car because Dad was at home.
He hasn’t changed because he doesn’t want to change. The conversation I described at the beginning took place took place over 20 years ago and just this past July I was arguing with him about Korea accepting Yemeni refugees (he’s against it. Shock). And he is still the same manipulative, controlling asshole as ever. The difference is that I have given up on him and have an independence from him that allows me not to put up with more of his shit than the bare minimum required. He calls me from time to time whining about how distant we are, blaming me for it of course, and I don’t care. He had many many chances to repair our relationship. He’s made it clear he won’t change, and I’m letting him live with that decision.
Maybe anon’s mother is not like my dad and she actually is open to change. I just want anon to know, though, that there’s nothing wrong with giving up on their mother. If she gets fragile and defensive and possibly even more abusive, then it’s best to stop engaging and end dangerous conversations as soon as possible with insincere agreements and meaningless platitudes. Avoid conflicts with this woman for as long as you can and, once you’re able to live independently of her, get the hell out of Dodge.
Abusive people are not abusive because they’re upset or traumatized or insecure. They are abusive because they CHOOSE to take out their upset, trauma, or insincerity on people they have power over, whether that is a racial minority or a family member–or both, as in the case of anon’s mom. They can choose differently and become non-abusive, and it’s also the only way. I don’t want anon or anyone to think it is possible to change an abusive person by saying the right things or finding the right leverage, or that it’s their responsibility to do so. Only they can change themselves.
Idk, I guess you’re right from a strictly professional standpoint but I also had too much fun watching Daisy be anti reylow and shut down doomerey, and John openly shipping Finnrey 😂
Daisy’s an Anti and she shut down Doomrey? I’m not surprised, but that’s funny af lol
That’s in the Chinese interview @chibi-chellist mentioned, you can search “Mtime” on my blog for links and the anti-doomerey part is on video. (It could be read as anti finnrey as well, but the specific question was about doomerey.) In addition to the Mtime interview she also mentioned how she was very impressed by the conversations about controlling relationships young people were having with regard to reylow. There’s even a moodboard of these quotes with sources, so enjoy (link)!
Reylo is the most heterosexual ship out there because the man turns out to be faux-good, calls the woman nothing, tricks her into believing him then laughs in her face about it, is really just a manipulative piece of trash, and the woman’s feelings are completely ignored.
L.J.'s Obsessions 