Like… the intention is good, but I don’t know how I feel about the angle of “you shouldn’t bully someone because you may not know the whole story”. You shouldn’t bully because it’s fucked up.
That girl you called fat, maybe she’s NOT starving herself. Maybe she just likes to eat. You want to call her names because of that? Fuck you.
That girl you called a slut, maybe she’s not a virgin, maybe she’s had a lot of sex with different people, sex is fucking AWESOME! Your hang ups with women and sexuality is not her problem. You’re an asshole.
That boy you pushed down in the hall… maybe everything’s great at home for him, so the fuck what? Don’t put your hands on people you piece of shit.
That black girl you teased for her skin color… just, fuck you, period. Doesn’t matter what the fuck is going on in her life, you’re fucking garbage. Get the fuck out of here.
The old man with the scars… seriously? Like… if you’re making fun of an old man’s scars you’re too far gone, you’re some kind of amoral sociopath or something cause that’s just some fucked up shit.
That “gay boy” you made fun of? Go fuck yourself.
The man you made fun of for crying? He just watched the episode of the Office where Jim and Pam get married, so what? Who cares why he’s crying? People have emotions dipshit.
That poor boy? Oh you’re one of those assholes who makes fun of poor people? Go die in a fire.
How about just don’t bully people at all for any reason cause it’s a fucked up thing to do regardless of what you do or don’t know about them? Treat people the way you want to be treated, it’s that simple. We’re all human beings just trying to be happy, you make the world a worse place when you try to stand in the way of that.
BBC’s Luther is a really good example of how someone who is violent and controlling toward a romantic partner (ex, in this case) can also be genuinely heroic, admirable, complex, and loved, including by the romantic partner who is the subject of this treatment.
And this isn’t to say that domestic violence is okay, but rather that “they have x good qualities!” isn’t a defense against the charge that they mistreat someone in their life. Abusers are real people. They have real relationships, real feelings, real people who really love them. The idea that abusers are bogeymen who lurk in shadows and have no emotions except malice may be one of the most harmful to victims, because it actually hinders people from recognizing abusive and controlling behavior and from naming their experience for what it is.
BBC’s Luther is a really good example of how someone who is violent and controlling toward a romantic partner (ex, in this case) can also be genuinely heroic, admirable, complex, and loved, including by the romantic partner who is the subject of this treatment.
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I guess. But I’m worried about that to. The Department Of Child Services, docs, don’t have a great reputation. My grandma used to work/operate a women’s and children’s refuge and she saw them ignore so much abuse in favour of honing in in families that were… Less problematic.
And the other night when they were fighting he said he was going to call docs and say she was an unfit mother and get the child taken into custody, this is HIS child too, and she said if her baby was taken she’d kill herself.
I know people who reported parents giving their 13 year old alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana but docs never even looked into it. And with my brother his ex literally had his kids burn photos of their father (my brother) and scream “burn in hell daddy” as they dud and docs didn’t even contact the mother who did it.
But the other night when the other big fight was happening I was in that house for two hours it’s… Squalid. Every spare inch of the bedroom floor was covered in clothes, there were spilt bongs on the floor, dirty dishes piled up. The baby was covered in vomit and was laying on her stomach, I’m not exactly sure how old she is but she isn’t able to really hold her own head up properly so apparently it’s not great to leave them on their stomach.
I had to pick her up, calm her, change her out of her vomit covered clothes and give her a bottle, which was just cows milk and I don’t think that is normal either?
I’m way out of my depth in terms of knowing what the “right” thing to do is.
I literally cried at your description. Babies shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk before they’re a year old. While a little can be used in preparing meals once she’s started solids, if she isn’t old enough to hold her head up she’s definitely too young for that. She could be malnourished since she can’t properly digest cow’s milk, and might not be breastfeeding. That poor, poor child.
I can understand your hesitation to call child services, with the awful things you’ve seen. I’m sure they’re available as a last resort when a child is in immediate danger, but that’s often a tough call even for trained professionals to make. Considering the child’s age, conditions, and the food she’s being fed I’d say this comes really, really close, though,
Are there any other services that this woman could access, such as parenting classes for lower-income parents? Maybe there are government services or charities in her area that could get her formula and maybe some clothes and diapers for her baby. Are there any older neighbors with kids who could help out and teach her about her baby’s needs? A social worker who could work with her overall situation? I think this woman badly needs information about how to care better for her baby, and being in contact with caring people in any context may help her leave the abusive situation, too.
This goes without saying, but please check the toll on yourself as well and don’t get more involved than you’re ready to. I’d be careful with this woman, personally–that shit about killing herself if her baby is taken away is really manipulative, even if it comes from a place of understandable desperation and child services’ not-stellar record. If the baby can only be safe and healthy away from her parents (that’s often a big if, of course) then that’s what needs to happen. A child is not their parent’s coping mechanism, and if she becomes a suicide risk due to losing her child–or already is one–she should be getting help for that, not hanging on to a child she can’t adequately care for and threatening others from calling services. Her child’s welfare is not about her.
Obviously it’s much preferable for parents to step up than more children to be thrust on an overburdened system, especially since child services might not intervene anyway. This is such a heartbreaking situation all around, and so difficult.
I think you’re amazing for caring about your neighbor’s situation. You’re a beautiful person and remember always to take care of yourself ❤️
I hate to butt in here, but feeding cow’s milk to an infant that young can actually be deadly. It can cause not only malnourishment but dehydration as well. Not to mention low iron and kidney problems. This child could honestly die if that’s all they are feeding her or suffer life long damage from it. Even if they are just doing so sometimes, it can cause problems. Her life and health is at risk. Not just immediately, but long term as well.
This is a situation where, personally, I would call dcbs/cps.
I would at least call them and file a report. You can at least try that way.
Shit I did not realize the situation was as bad as @motherbychoice said. Yeah, this is way more dangerous than I thought. It’s up to you but I’d call the authorities. Here’s an article about the effect of cow’s milk on babies less than a year old: https://www.karger.com/Article/Pdf/106369
I called the child protection hotline and gave them the information.
I hope this doesn’t come back to bite me, the guy is currently on probation and was SO casually saying really disturbing things the other night, like how she could call the cops but her throat could be slit before they got there. Now when she lived somewhere Elkhart he had people follow her, and how at any given moment he knows where “Chelsea” is because he’s got guys following her too, from context I assume she was an ex.
He also does meth sometimes and, while I know that not all drug users are violent, I’m not really fond of already violent people taking these drugs. He also has big, loud guys as friends who are all apparently very into drugs.
I know it might sound selfish, because there is a little baby involved, but I’m just really hoping there isn’t backlash for me personally.
I asked to be kept anonymous but if he even suspects it could be me then I don’t trust what he might do.
He sounds like a fine specimen of humanity. Honestly with someone like this in the mix I would not blame you for choosing not to be involved, and you’ve already done more than anyone could reasonably ask you to. Thank you for taking action for this woman and her poor child, and please watch out for yourself. Do you have a place to flee to if there’s a sign of trouble? People who could come support you?
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I guess. But I’m worried about that to. The Department Of Child Services, docs, don’t have a great reputation. My grandma used to work/operate a women’s and children’s refuge and she saw them ignore so much abuse in favour of honing in in families that were… Less problematic.
And the other night when they were fighting he said he was going to call docs and say she was an unfit mother and get the child taken into custody, this is HIS child too, and she said if her baby was taken she’d kill herself.
I know people who reported parents giving their 13 year old alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana but docs never even looked into it. And with my brother his ex literally had his kids burn photos of their father (my brother) and scream “burn in hell daddy” as they dud and docs didn’t even contact the mother who did it.
But the other night when the other big fight was happening I was in that house for two hours it’s… Squalid. Every spare inch of the bedroom floor was covered in clothes, there were spilt bongs on the floor, dirty dishes piled up. The baby was covered in vomit and was laying on her stomach, I’m not exactly sure how old she is but she isn’t able to really hold her own head up properly so apparently it’s not great to leave them on their stomach.
I had to pick her up, calm her, change her out of her vomit covered clothes and give her a bottle, which was just cows milk and I don’t think that is normal either?
I’m way out of my depth in terms of knowing what the “right” thing to do is.
I literally cried at your description. Babies shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk before they’re a year old. While a little can be used in preparing meals once she’s started solids, if she isn’t old enough to hold her head up she’s definitely too young for that. She could be malnourished since she can’t properly digest cow’s milk, and might not be breastfeeding. That poor, poor child.
I can understand your hesitation to call child services, with the awful things you’ve seen. I’m sure they’re available as a last resort when a child is in immediate danger, but that’s often a tough call even for trained professionals to make. Considering the child’s age, conditions, and the food she’s being fed I’d say this comes really, really close, though,
Are there any other services that this woman could access, such as parenting classes for lower-income parents? Maybe there are government services or charities in her area that could get her formula and maybe some clothes and diapers for her baby. Are there any older neighbors with kids who could help out and teach her about her baby’s needs? A social worker who could work with her overall situation? I think this woman badly needs information about how to care better for her baby, and being in contact with caring people in any context may help her leave the abusive situation, too.
This goes without saying, but please check the toll on yourself as well and don’t get more involved than you’re ready to. I’d be careful with this woman, personally–that shit about killing herself if her baby is taken away is really manipulative, even if it comes from a place of understandable desperation and child services’ not-stellar record. If the baby can only be safe and healthy away from her parents (that’s often a big if, of course) then that’s what needs to happen. A child is not their parent’s coping mechanism, and if she becomes a suicide risk due to losing her child–or already is one–she should be getting help for that, not hanging on to a child she can’t adequately care for and threatening others from calling services. Her child’s welfare is not about her.
Obviously it’s much preferable for parents to step up than more children to be thrust on an overburdened system, especially since child services might not intervene anyway. This is such a heartbreaking situation all around, and so difficult.
I think you’re amazing for caring about your neighbor’s situation. You’re a beautiful person and remember always to take care of yourself ❤️
I hate to butt in here, but feeding cow’s milk to an infant that young can actually be deadly. It can cause not only malnourishment but dehydration as well. Not to mention low iron and kidney problems. This child could honestly die if that’s all they are feeding her or suffer life long damage from it. Even if they are just doing so sometimes, it can cause problems. Her life and health is at risk. Not just immediately, but long term as well.
This is a situation where, personally, I would call dcbs/cps.
I would at least call them and file a report. You can at least try that way.
Shit I did not realize the situation was as bad as @motherbychoice said. Yeah, this is way more dangerous than I thought. It’s up to you but I’d call the authorities. Here’s an article about the effect of cow’s milk on babies less than a year old: https://www.karger.com/Article/Pdf/106369
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I guess. But I’m worried about that to. The Department Of Child Services, docs, don’t have a great reputation. My grandma used to work/operate a women’s and children’s refuge and she saw them ignore so much abuse in favour of honing in in families that were… Less problematic.
And the other night when they were fighting he said he was going to call docs and say she was an unfit mother and get the child taken into custody, this is HIS child too, and she said if her baby was taken she’d kill herself.
I know people who reported parents giving their 13 year old alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana but docs never even looked into it. And with my brother his ex literally had his kids burn photos of their father (my brother) and scream “burn in hell daddy” as they dud and docs didn’t even contact the mother who did it.
But the other night when the other big fight was happening I was in that house for two hours it’s… Squalid. Every spare inch of the bedroom floor was covered in clothes, there were spilt bongs on the floor, dirty dishes piled up. The baby was covered in vomit and was laying on her stomach, I’m not exactly sure how old she is but she isn’t able to really hold her own head up properly so apparently it’s not great to leave them on their stomach.
I had to pick her up, calm her, change her out of her vomit covered clothes and give her a bottle, which was just cows milk and I don’t think that is normal either?
I’m way out of my depth in terms of knowing what the “right” thing to do is.
I literally cried at your description. Babies shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk before they’re a year old. While a little can be used in preparing meals once she’s started solids, if she isn’t old enough to hold her head up she’s definitely too young for that. She could be malnourished since she can’t properly digest cow’s milk, and might not be breastfeeding. That poor, poor child.
I can understand your hesitation to call child services, with the awful things you’ve seen. I’m sure they’re available as a last resort when a child is in immediate danger, but that’s often a tough call even for trained professionals to make. Considering the child’s age, conditions, and the food she’s being fed I’d say this comes really, really close, though,
Are there any other services that this woman could access, such as parenting classes for lower-income parents? Maybe there are government services or charities in her area that could get her formula and maybe some clothes and diapers for her baby. Are there any older neighbors with kids who could help out and teach her about her baby’s needs? A social worker who could work with her overall situation? I think this woman badly needs information about how to care better for her baby, and being in contact with caring people in any context may help her leave the abusive situation, too.
This goes without saying, but please check the toll on yourself as well and don’t get more involved than you’re ready to. I’d be careful with this woman, personally–that shit about killing herself if her baby is taken away is really manipulative, even if it comes from a place of understandable desperation and child services’ not-stellar record. If the baby can only be safe and healthy away from her parents (that’s often a big if, of course) then that’s what needs to happen. A child is not their parent’s coping mechanism, and if she becomes a suicide risk due to losing her child–or already is one–she should be getting help for that, not hanging on to a child she can’t adequately care for and threatening others from calling services. Her child’s welfare is not about her.
Obviously it’s much preferable for parents to step up than more children to be thrust on an overburdened system, especially since child services might not intervene anyway. This is such a heartbreaking situation all around, and so difficult.
I think you’re amazing for caring about your neighbor’s situation. You’re a beautiful person and remember always to take care of yourself ❤️
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I blame the heteronormative idea that any significant interaction between a man and a woman, particularly young and conventionally attractive ones (thin, able-bodied, white etc.), must necessarily be romantic/sexual in nature. Meanwhile if one of the people involved falls outside of that constructed circle of desirability the relationship, no matter how epic and romantic, Just Doesn’t Feel Right and Is Brotp Forever and Unnecessary and Heteronormative because a Strong Woman Don’t Need No Man.
Reyyyyaighno also ties into a toxic idea that mistreatment, in this case by a man against a woman, is romantic. Seriously, not only does Kylo assault, abduct, and torture the woman he’s supposedly in love with, he tries to use her deepest, most painful vulnerabilities against her and shippers are calling it romantic. The whole thing is so uncomfortable because it reminds me of my own verbal and emotional abuse. What anyone ships is their own business but it’s shitty when they go out of their way to make harmful abuse apologist arguments. If it’s “just fiction,” why make arguments that harm actual abuse survivors?
Oh right, because to the worst shippers their ship has to be canon and the relationship between Rey and the man who actually cares about her, a guy who just happens to be Black, is somehow Lacking and Terrible and Cannot Be Endgame FOR SOME MYSTERIOUS REASON. Fuck that.
There is such a thing as mourning a relationship you might have had, a person you could have known but never got to. Children of abusive or absent parents can attest to this very well. Not every person who had a bad or neglectful parent feels this grief for what might have been, of course. They might, indeed, feel nothing or even relief at the death of that parent. Leia, for instance, doesn’t seem to have felt much af a connection to Vader or particular grief at his death for very understandable reasons–she grew up with parents she knew and loved, for one thing–and I am very glad that her response is presented to be as valid as Luke’s.
That said, the fact that some children of inadequate or hurtful parents feel no grief at their parents’ passing does not invalidate the pain that other such children feel at the same event. I’m frankly angry that you feel the need to devalue Luke’s very real grief at losing a father he had dreamed of since childhood. And for what? To woobify the mass-murdering patricidal Vader fanboy?
So here’s an exceedingly modest proposal for you, anon: There is no need to shit on Luke’s loss to empathize with Kylo Ren’s.
Here’s modest proposal number 2: If you don’t want to lose your father, NOT SHOVING A DEADLY WEAPON INTO HIS GUTS IS A FUCKING GOOD START.
I am so fucking sick of reylos doing that stupid poe vs rey vs finn trauma bullshit in order to justify that just because kylo was “”“"gentle”“”“ with rey means he has ”“"compassion”“” for her
Stop saying he had compassion for her just because he didn’t hurt her like he hurt Poe and Finn. That doesn’t mean SHIT.
I don’t know which is worse, their using Poe as a prop for their shitty ship or their dismissal of Rey’s trauma.
Also the source for that compassion quote is Smoke in the novelization. So he’s the expert on compassion now? You agree with him that it’s compassionate to tie someone down and forcibly (and painfully) extract information from her mind, and try to gaslight and manipulate her in the process? Mmkay.
L.J.'s Obsessions 