Tag: children

lj-writes:

Is it just me or does spanking seem to address precisely none of the issues proponents say it does?

“It teaches them respect!” It teaches them to defer to someone bigger and stronger than they are. I’d say that’s more fear than respect, and it’s why children whose parents rely on spanking can get completely out of hand when they’re big enough to fight back.

“They’re too young to understand when they’re told it’s wrong!” But old enough to comprehend the precise nuance and meaning of being hit, evidently.

“Nothing else worked!” When I look at stories of spanking allegedly working, it generally shows other parenting methods being used ineffectively and poorly. Obviously everything else has not been tried, at least not correctly. Maybe learn to parent better instead of using spanking as a stopgap.

“Oh they’re a difficult kid!” And hitting them makes them less difficult? It could make them more compliant, but that’s a poor replacement for helping them with their problems and a shitty parenting goal in general.

“It teaches them violence is wrong!” I… what?

@givemeyourskin

“Full stop have no idea how people in this day and age think spanking children is a good thing. It’s literally modeling violent behavior to kids.”

My follower with the creepy url is totally right! The idea that being violent to kids makes them less violent, less troubled, and more respectful falls apart on close scrutiny and, like, any brush with science.

Is it just me or does spanking seem to address precisely none of the issues proponents say it does?

“It teaches them respect!” It teaches them to defer to someone bigger and stronger than they are. I’d say that’s more fear than respect, and it’s why children whose parents rely on spanking can get completely out of hand when they’re big enough to fight back.

“They’re too young to understand when they’re told it’s wrong!” But old enough to comprehend the precise nuance and meaning of being hit, evidently.

“Nothing else worked!” When I look at stories of spanking allegedly working, it generally shows other parenting methods being used ineffectively and poorly. Obviously everything else has not been tried, at least not correctly. Maybe learn to parent better instead of using spanking as a stopgap.

“Oh they’re a difficult kid!” And hitting them makes them less difficult? It could make them more compliant, but that’s a poor replacement for helping them with their problems and a shitty parenting goal in general.

“It teaches them violence is wrong!” I… what?

child handling for the childless nurse

mikkeneko:

pervocracy:

My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old.  Here’s my impressions so far:

Birth – 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal.  Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.

Age 1 – 2: Hates you.  Hates you so much.  You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them.  There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.

Age 3 – 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe.  Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them.  Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.

Age 6 – 10: Really cool, actually.  I did not realize kids were this cool.  Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn.  Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”

Age 11 – 14: Extremely variable.  Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other.  At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult.  Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers.  (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)

Age 15 – 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience.  Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care.  Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there.  At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny.  And they’ll want one.  Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.

This is also a pretty excellent guide to writing  kids of various ages

ori-ebon:

lj-writes:

chikabiddy:

lj-writes:

I read a children’s book to my toddler and he kept poking the page trying to make the pictures move what have we done

^^ Ditto. Every screen that isn’t a touch screen is a disappointment and source of confusion for my LO. 

Oh yeah, he touches old fashioned computer monitors and television screens too, hoping to get an interaction. Maybe touchscreen technology is just intuitively more appealing or something? Maybe technology will evolve to reflect that as this generation grows up.

The look of abject disappointment on a toddler’s face when they find out the screen isn’t touch-responsive is honestly in the top 10 of heartbreaking sites.

MAKE ALL THE SCREENS TOUCHSCREENS STAT

chikabiddy:

lj-writes:

I read a children’s book to my toddler and he kept poking the page trying to make the pictures move what have we done

^^ Ditto. Every screen that isn’t a touch screen is a disappointment and source of confusion for my LO. 

Oh yeah, he touches old fashioned computer monitors and television screens too, hoping to get an interaction. Maybe touchscreen technology is just intuitively more appealing or something? Maybe technology will evolve to reflect that as this generation grows up.

vulgaritar:

ridley-reylo:

i saw this post earlier that said that people take star wars too seriously and completely agree. some of y’all make star wars to be some kind of horror story, comparing it to real life politics and whatnot when really it’s literally a movie for kids. literally ten to twelve year olds. do you think a little kid sees darth vader and says “wow, you’re such a terrible person because you failed to protect padme and turned in a space hitler,” or a kid seeing seeing kylo ren at disneyland and saying “you’re a neonazi and your relationship with rey is manipulative and abusive”???? no, because star wars is a movie about good guys and bad guys fighting with light up sticks with some romance blended in. it’s meant to be a story of courage and forgiveness, and it really teaches a lesson to kids that the world isn’t black and white, there are so many shades of gray in between. yeah, kids are young and innocent but i think we should be too, at least for star wars movies. i’m tired of people making mountains out of molehills, pulling problems out of thin air and ruining the whole experience for others. all this fighting and shipping wars going on in the star wars fandom is just exhausting.

When I first saw this post I got about halfway in before blocking the op and moving on. Unfortunately it has been nagging at me throughout my morning, demanding a response because it is a perfect example of how and why a selection of this fandom willfully ignores criticisms from those outside of their circle by using hyperbole and tone arguments.

“[Star Wars] is a movie for kids. literally ten to twelve year olds.”

I’m a student teacher. Not too long ago – last week, actually – I was doing a lesson with 9th graders. BB-8 is a good pop culture example of the thing we were discussing that day, so I asked the group, “Have you guys have seen the new Star Wars movies?” not intending to actually discuss them but just to confirm the students would understand the reference.

It was a disaster.

Imagine 26 students simultaneously breaking out into a collective groan of derision followed by most of them volunteering their thoughts. Loudly. This particular class is entirely black, and they had strong opinions about the latest Star Wars movie. It took me a while to wrangle them back into focus.

Now, I can’t write out exactly what one student shouted over the sudden cacophony, but he expressly mentioned the tazing of Finn.

“Star Wars is a movie for kids”? What kids, exactly? I had 26 fourteen-year-olds express very vocally that TLJ was not for them. Their representation in this universe was subjected to a parallel danger very real and familiar to them in their urban environment for comedic value. Black kids weren’t laughing at Finn getting tazed. Black kids weren’t laughing at Finn being forced down to his knees. Black kids weren’t cheering when a white man in a uniform slapped Finn across the face. 

You assert that we, as adults, are projecting some unnecessary social commentary into all of this? No. It’s already there, but we should stop talking about it because we need to preserve kids’ “innocent” sensibilities by- doing what? Normalizing the visual of a black man being tazed for laughs while they’re young? Not making it clear that it isn’t okay for a man to abuse a woman, even if he thinks he loves her? We should just let them white kids have their fairly tale adventure experience unimpeded by reasons why these media portrayals are toxic and teach them to expect better?

I’m here to tell you that discussions about the upsetting ideas perpetuated in TLJ aren’t just on the internet. It’s not just occurring between adults trying to nitpick and whine. You can accidentally stumble upon it in an classroom of kids just like I did, but I’m betting you don’t generally interact with non-white people so you’re going to miss that. Tumblr becomes the only place YOU encounter these conversations, so YOU think that’s the only place it’s happening. 

Shipping wars are exhausting for you, @ridley-reylo? Imagine being a black fan trying to explain to this fandom why it’s hurtful that they laugh at and make gifsets of a person with your skin color being tazed when he wasn’t even threatening the person who attacked him – a tragically common experience in your community, one which often leads to death. Then imagine being told you’re reaching, or that you’re just “ruining the whole experience for others”. That seems way more exhausting to me. How many times should someone have to politely explain that you

(figuratively)

are engaging in a racist mentality before they’re allowed to get fed up and shortcut to the truth: that you ARE racist. Or that by coming up with forgivable excuse after excuse for self-centered, totalitarian, murderous, and torturous behavior you ARE the Nazi parallel? Or that by writing that the woman should give the man yet another chance to change his vile behavior and she shouldn’t stop loving him, that you ARE perpetuating abusive relationships? 

I mean, fuck, I’m white and I’ve only been in this fandom a couple of months. When I started out here I was problematic in some of the things I believed, and I still screw up sometimes but I’m trying to be better. I haven’t said anything in this post fans of color or abuse survivors haven’t haven’t been saying this entire time, yet even I’m exhausted of that selection of the fandom which perpetuates this garbage mentality of “it’s a kids movie, you people are too sensitive!! you’re ruining our enjoyment everything!!” – which for the most part are the white reylo stans. 

I would honestly be shocked if even a fifth of the people who started reading this response made it through before dismissing me as yet another anti here to quash their fun before going for that block button. It’s what the rest of the fandom has come to expect since you’ve collectively made it clear you don’t care about the feelings of others. You only care about you and your happy fandom experience.

But yeah, good job protecting the innocent children.

brighteyedbadwolf:

samayla:

coffee-alien:

“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”

Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.

As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me. 

One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.

Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.

Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.

Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.

Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children. 

This is so goddamn important.

I verbally express affection. A LOT.

My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.

At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.

Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.

Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.

taptaptap

on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me

All the time.

More often than I ever verbally said it.

It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.

It’s made a huge difference for us.

People say things differently.