1. Immediate fixation on the moderately attractive tortured “bad boy” antagonist character and rush to ship him with the closest available female protagonist. CHECK.
2. Downplaying/excusing antagonist’s misdeeds especially in regards to the way he treats female protagonist.
CHECK.
3. Ignoring/leapfrogging over said female protagonist’s much more likely actual love interest and coming up with bullshit reasons/excuses for why he’s actually the abusive/toxic one!
CHECK.
4. Cropping/editing out the more prospective love interest from photos/footage in order to create romantic moments for their ship, because as of yet none exist.
CHECK.
5. Claiming purple as their ship color.
CHECK.
6. Weird obsession with red/blue color symbolism and super-strong genetically superior offspring. (”Steambabies”, “Stormbabies”, “Forcebabies”)
CHECK.
7. “English Literature” majors crawling out of the woodwork to spew 5000K+ words of bullshit “proving” why their ship is obviously, objectively, canon endgame, typically by over-microanalyzing literal seconds of footage or making false comparisons to tropes/relationship archetypes in other completely unrelated properties.
CHECK.
8. Somehow, in the middle of all this super-detailed analysis, completely missing the characters’ actual thoughts and feelings and the much more obvious hints towards the other much more likely romance.
CHECK.
9. Beauty and the Beast comparisons.
CHECK.
10. Romeo and Juliet comparisons.
CHECK.
11. Pride and Prejudice comparisons. (WHAT IS PEOPLE’S FIXATION WITH THIS ONE?! I’VE READ THE BOOK IT’S NOT THAT GREAT.)
CHECK.
12. Attempts to compare their ship to other canon ships in the same fandom despite them not actually being alike.
CHECK.
13. Mistaken belief that their rival ship is boring and has no conflict because it’s a fluffy feelgood ship stemming from friendship rather than the enemies to lovers trope.
CHECK.
14. Mistaken belief that their ship would be something “fresh” and “new”… despite points 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.
CHECK.
15. Misunderstanding Yin/Yang symbology.
CHECK.
16. Romanticizing a plot event where the antagonist has the female protagonist captured and restrained and is plying her for information.
CHECK.
17. Romanticizing the enmity between the two parties and claiming it is “sexual tension”, instead of animosity, indifference, and hatred.
CHECK.
18. Chronic inability to remain in their own lanes/spaces by hijacking general threads and crosstagging.
CHECK.
19. Every word out of a writer/director/actor’s mouth is indisputable proof in favor of their ship, even if they are explicitly denying the ship being a thing.
CHECK.
20. Literally everything is hidden proof of their ship. Everything. (The freaking Porgs?! Really?!)
CHECK.
21. Easily deceived by misleading advertising/trailers.
CHECK.
22. Nuclear bitchfit meltdown when their ship inevitably, predictably, does not happen. PENDING.
…
I… I swear I’m in deja-vu world.
Oh my god, I knew there was overlap in the fandoms and a lot of similarities but i never realized just HOW much of a Zutara 2.0 the Reylo fandom is.
