I don’t like that logic whether it’s applied to Vader or Kylo
because it’s just the tired old stereotype of multiples (many of whom
have dissociative identity disorder) being dangerous people with evil
personas they can’t control. There’s no evidence whatsoever that either
Vader or Kylo are actually different people from Anakin and Ben.
Separating them is a figure of speech at best, one that conveniently
absolves the former identities of responsibility at the expense of
blaming their evil on mental illness. It’s terrible when applied to
Anakin and terrible when applied to Ben. They both chose to do evil, and
whatever names they took on in the process are just window dressing.
Tag: mental illness
Question, how old is Kylo Ren supposed to be in TFA? I know AD is like 30’sh. But I just saw where he refers to Kylo as a ‘kid’ and RJ said that thing about relating to someone struggling with adolescence. So is AD playing a way younger person? Is he supposed to be a teen even though he is over thirty? I’m honestly confused.
You know what’s sad? This isn’t even the first time I’ve seen people confused about Kylo Ren’s age due to Rian’s and Adam’s comments. I’ve seen someone ask a similar question on Reddit, too.
To clear things up, yes, Kylo Ren is close to 30, not much younger than the actor who plays him (Adam Driver is 33). Ren was born Ben Solo in 5 ABY (after the Battle of Yavin), and the events of The Force Awakens took place in 34 ABY, making him around 29 during the movie.
I think the following comments by Adam about his character in an interview for the December, 2017 issue of GQ add a bit of clarification (emphasis added):
“It makes complete sense how juvenile he can be. You can see that with our leadership and politics. You have world leaders who you imagine — or hope or pray — are living by kind of a higher code of ethics. But it really all comes down to them feeling wronged or unloved or wanting validation.”
So no, the character isn’t juvenile in physical age, he just acts that way. I hope that clears things up. And no, that’s not because he’s a sweet confused baby or whatever, the actor himself is very clear that it’s about a lack of ethics. In the same interview Adam talks about the absolute conviction of terrorists as another influence on the portrayal of his character.
Kylo Ren, much like the real-life morally bankrupt people Adam refers to, may have real struggles and pain in his life. Who doesn’t? The point is that he chose to deal with those issues, or rather failed to, in an immature and entitled way and that is why he comes across as so adolescent.
Heck, it seems in universe, people are confused about Kylo’s age. He’s literally the age of the New Republic (like he shares his birthday with the signing of the galactic concordance), but in bloodline (6 years before TFA, Kylo is 24) Leia sees him as too young to tell him about Vader.
Kylo does have the feel of someone whose development stalled off at some point in the past, and I wonder how much of it has to do with personal trauma and how much with the way he was raised. I suspect both.
On personal trauma, Ben’s relationship with his parents already appears to be distant at the time of Bloodline and we’re still in the dark about what sent Han and Leia into separation and prompted Leia to send their son to Luke. LucasFilm officials have stated that the murkiness in Han’s past is due to necessity.
On the parenting side, Leia’s decision also strikes me as someone trying to protect a part of herself, projecting onto her son and trying to protect in him an innocence she never had. She had watched her home planet be destroyed, been tortured mercilessly by a fascist enforcer (who turned out to be her biological father, yay), and learned about the Skywalker part of her heritage before she was Ben’s age at the time of the novel. People who went through a lot at a young age sometimes cope by trying to protect their own children, and it seldom works well. It’s alternately stifling and alienating to be treated as younger than your age, and Ben may have reacted with corresponding petulance and distance.
Leia may also have feared what additional strains the revelation might place on her relationship with her son. In this sense it was the relationship she was trying to protect–again, not an effective strategy that relied on a lack of communication and avoiding difficult subjects rather than facing them as a family.
I think there is room to talk about Han and Leia as loving but flawed parents who were not always coping well with their own severe traumas, while also squarely placing the responsibility for Kylo Ren’s crimes on himself where it belongs. I have so much sympathy for Leia because I don’t even know how she could have functioned with the magnitude of what she had suffered, and blocking things out was perhaps the only way she could work or even survive. But it certainly had a terrible effect on her family life and, I believe, her child.
so how about when reylo triggers severe anxiety attacks bc it reminds me or others of an abusive situation or relationship that we were stuck in? or when I see people constantly trying to defend the ship by ignoring the fact that it IS scary abusive and it makes me + others uncomfortable bc it reminds us of how an abuser may have tried to defend their actions and make YOU feel like shit? the ship really does have a negative effect on people, so that post you made was kinda…”?”
softreyoflight-deactivated20180:
Hi! I’m sorry reylo has triggered severe anxiety attacks for you, that sounds sucky 😦
I defo, defo, defo hear what you are saying and just want to let you know that I am here for you 100% if you ever want to talk ❤
And for the rest of your question, at least for rn I’m just gonna say agree to disagree on whether or not it is abusive (bc that’s not really what I’m trying to address here).
All I’m saying is that on both sides, there has been a lot of hate and meanness and cruelty and just generally problematic behavior and so on. I personally, think it needs to stop and we all need to grow up a little bit and try and be kind to one another. (but then again i also teach preschool which like the basic principle is kindness, call me naive lmao)
Ummm I think both op and a lot of the commenters are missing the likely context of the ask, which seems to be referencing op’s earlier post about using the word “reylophobia” and how wrong op thinks it is. The question isn’t whether you should be shipping reylo, it’s whether fear of reylo content can be a genuine phobia in the psychiatric sense. Personally I’d call it a trigger for other symptoms rather than a phobia, which is a condition in itself, but I’m no expert.
And antis who are triggered by reylo content do take responsibility for their media consumption, jsyk. I know fans who blacklist the tag, and someone who even blocked every single person who has a post in the tag. (The latter has the advantage of working on mobile as well.) But then some shippers complain about being blocked and call it gatekeeping so there’s no winning, I guess. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
can y’all stop with the whole reylophobic thing??? like genuinely asking here because as someone with actual phobias, it’s really invalidating to see the whole “ewww reylo, i have ‘phobia’ of that”
when like surprise bitch THAT’S NOT A FUCKING PHOBIA
it really takes away from how awful it is to actually suffer from phobias and severe anxiety and like y’all need to stop bc it’s actually pretty ableist imo
like look i get it, you don’t like reylo (that’s your decision and i completely respect it) but please don’t call it a phobia bc it’s nothing like a phobia which can literally wreck a person’s whole life and has wrecked mine
reylo hasn’t completely destroyed my life literally resulting in me ending up in an inpatient unit and having to take a medical leave of absence from college, no, those would be my ACTUAL PHOBIAS (abandonment, the unknown, spiders, social situations, change, and so on)
in fact if anything (for me at least) reylo has saved me for more than it’s fair share of days
Phobia, an extreme, irrational fear of a specific object or situation. A phobia is classified as a type of anxiety disorder, since anxiety is the chief symptom experienced by the sufferer.
Since others on the thread have covered the stuff I wanted to say, I’m curious about your thoughts on terms like homophobia, transphobia, and Islamophobia. Do you object to a serious medical condition being likened to bigotry?
On a related note, irrational fear is not the only definition of “-phobia.” It also means intolerance or aversion, including physical symptoms, which is no doubt where terms like homophobia come from. Do you believe these uses should be replaced by others that don’t dilute (or stigmatize, in the case of bigotry) the meaning of phobia as an anxiety disorder?
Lastly, I’m very sorry about your condition and wish you the best of luck with its treatment/management. I’m happy for you that Reylo helps you with your well-being.
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I guess. But I’m worried about that to. The Department Of Child Services, docs, don’t have a great reputation. My grandma used to work/operate a women’s and children’s refuge and she saw them ignore so much abuse in favour of honing in in families that were… Less problematic.
And the other night when they were fighting he said he was going to call docs and say she was an unfit mother and get the child taken into custody, this is HIS child too, and she said if her baby was taken she’d kill herself.
I know people who reported parents giving their 13 year old alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana but docs never even looked into it. And with my brother his ex literally had his kids burn photos of their father (my brother) and scream “burn in hell daddy” as they dud and docs didn’t even contact the mother who did it.
But the other night when the other big fight was happening I was in that house for two hours it’s… Squalid. Every spare inch of the bedroom floor was covered in clothes, there were spilt bongs on the floor, dirty dishes piled up. The baby was covered in vomit and was laying on her stomach, I’m not exactly sure how old she is but she isn’t able to really hold her own head up properly so apparently it’s not great to leave them on their stomach.
I had to pick her up, calm her, change her out of her vomit covered clothes and give her a bottle, which was just cows milk and I don’t think that is normal either?
I’m way out of my depth in terms of knowing what the “right” thing to do is.
I literally cried at your description. Babies shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk before they’re a year old. While a little can be used in preparing meals once she’s started solids, if she isn’t old enough to hold her head up she’s definitely too young for that. She could be malnourished since she can’t properly digest cow’s milk, and might not be breastfeeding. That poor, poor child.
I can understand your hesitation to call child services, with the awful things you’ve seen. I’m sure they’re available as a last resort when a child is in immediate danger, but that’s often a tough call even for trained professionals to make. Considering the child’s age, conditions, and the food she’s being fed I’d say this comes really, really close, though,
Are there any other services that this woman could access, such as parenting classes for lower-income parents? Maybe there are government services or charities in her area that could get her formula and maybe some clothes and diapers for her baby. Are there any older neighbors with kids who could help out and teach her about her baby’s needs? A social worker who could work with her overall situation? I think this woman badly needs information about how to care better for her baby, and being in contact with caring people in any context may help her leave the abusive situation, too.
This goes without saying, but please check the toll on yourself as well and don’t get more involved than you’re ready to. I’d be careful with this woman, personally–that shit about killing herself if her baby is taken away is really manipulative, even if it comes from a place of understandable desperation and child services’ not-stellar record. If the baby can only be safe and healthy away from her parents (that’s often a big if, of course) then that’s what needs to happen. A child is not their parent’s coping mechanism, and if she becomes a suicide risk due to losing her child–or already is one–she should be getting help for that, not hanging on to a child she can’t adequately care for and threatening others from calling services. Her child’s welfare is not about her.
Obviously it’s much preferable for parents to step up than more children to be thrust on an overburdened system, especially since child services might not intervene anyway. This is such a heartbreaking situation all around, and so difficult.
I think you’re amazing for caring about your neighbor’s situation. You’re a beautiful person and remember always to take care of yourself ❤️
I hate to butt in here, but feeding cow’s milk to an infant that young can actually be deadly. It can cause not only malnourishment but dehydration as well. Not to mention low iron and kidney problems. This child could honestly die if that’s all they are feeding her or suffer life long damage from it. Even if they are just doing so sometimes, it can cause problems. Her life and health is at risk. Not just immediately, but long term as well.
This is a situation where, personally, I would call dcbs/cps.
I would at least call them and file a report. You can at least try that way.
Shit I did not realize the situation was as bad as @motherbychoice said. Yeah, this is way more dangerous than I thought. It’s up to you but I’d call the authorities. Here’s an article about the effect of cow’s milk on babies less than a year old: https://www.karger.com/Article/Pdf/106369
The girl next door is crying hysterically. I’ve called the police. I can hear screaming. I’m fucking shaking.
It’s only been ten minutes since I called the police but I’m freaking. Every now and then I hear her choking, she mentioned a black eye,, she’s sobbing and screaming.
The police station is literally only 1km away and it’s been nearly half an hour.
I don’t know if the police have been, but I know if they did they missed the window. They are now over the fight and listening to music and she’ll cover for him if they call in. I said it was violent and that there was a baby there.
I’m beginning to see why this woman was unconvinced that the police would be a solution. In addition to the abuse likely getting worse after a police visit, I don’t imagine they’ve been helpful in the past.
Is this true that a baby is involved? Could you maybe alert child protective services?
I guess. But I’m worried about that to. The Department Of Child Services, docs, don’t have a great reputation. My grandma used to work/operate a women’s and children’s refuge and she saw them ignore so much abuse in favour of honing in in families that were… Less problematic.
And the other night when they were fighting he said he was going to call docs and say she was an unfit mother and get the child taken into custody, this is HIS child too, and she said if her baby was taken she’d kill herself.
I know people who reported parents giving their 13 year old alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana but docs never even looked into it. And with my brother his ex literally had his kids burn photos of their father (my brother) and scream “burn in hell daddy” as they dud and docs didn’t even contact the mother who did it.
But the other night when the other big fight was happening I was in that house for two hours it’s… Squalid. Every spare inch of the bedroom floor was covered in clothes, there were spilt bongs on the floor, dirty dishes piled up. The baby was covered in vomit and was laying on her stomach, I’m not exactly sure how old she is but she isn’t able to really hold her own head up properly so apparently it’s not great to leave them on their stomach.
I had to pick her up, calm her, change her out of her vomit covered clothes and give her a bottle, which was just cows milk and I don’t think that is normal either?
I’m way out of my depth in terms of knowing what the “right” thing to do is.
I literally cried at your description. Babies shouldn’t be drinking cow’s milk before they’re a year old. While a little can be used in preparing meals once she’s started solids, if she isn’t old enough to hold her head up she’s definitely too young for that. She could be malnourished since she can’t properly digest cow’s milk, and might not be breastfeeding. That poor, poor child.
I can understand your hesitation to call child services, with the awful things you’ve seen. I’m sure they’re available as a last resort when a child is in immediate danger, but that’s often a tough call even for trained professionals to make. Considering the child’s age, conditions, and the food she’s being fed I’d say this comes really, really close, though,
Are there any other services that this woman could access, such as parenting classes for lower-income parents? Maybe there are government services or charities in her area that could get her formula and maybe some clothes and diapers for her baby. Are there any older neighbors with kids who could help out and teach her about her baby’s needs? A social worker who could work with her overall situation? I think this woman badly needs information about how to care better for her baby, and being in contact with caring people in any context may help her leave the abusive situation, too.
This goes without saying, but please check the toll on yourself as well and don’t get more involved than you’re ready to. I’d be careful with this woman, personally–that shit about killing herself if her baby is taken away is really manipulative, even if it comes from a place of understandable desperation and child services’ not-stellar record. If the baby can only be safe and healthy away from her parents (that’s often a big if, of course) then that’s what needs to happen. A child is not their parent’s coping mechanism, and if she becomes a suicide risk due to losing her child–or already is one–she should be getting help for that, not hanging on to a child she can’t adequately care for and threatening others from calling services. Her child’s welfare is not about her.
Obviously it’s much preferable for parents to step up than more children to be thrust on an overburdened system, especially since child services might not intervene anyway. This is such a heartbreaking situation all around, and so difficult.
I think you’re amazing for caring about your neighbor’s situation. You’re a beautiful person and remember always to take care of yourself ❤️
Reasons are not automatically excuses
Reasons are not automatically excuses
Reasons are not automatically excuses
Correct:
“i’m so sorry I hurt you like that. I’m really struggling with my mental illness. That doesn’t make it okay, but that’s just the reason why I’m being like this. I’m sorry for being a dick.
Disgusting:
“um, well I have depression so you should stop hating on me and cut me a break. I can do whatever I want.”
Reasons are not automatically excuses.
Correct:
“sorry that I lashed out. My sister is in hospital and I’m really messed up about it. I’ve been pretending I’m fine about it and then I took everything out on you. I’m really sorry.”
Disgusting:
“lol um,, my sister is in HOSPITAL with CANCER so u should get off my back and stop being mean to me because im, like, so totally upset”
Reasons are not automatically excuses.
L.J.'s Obsessions 