This is spun off from @jewishcomeradebot‘s post about the parallels and contrasts of Finn and Kylo Ren in TLJ–how they both kill their abusers but, where Finn walks away and is free, Kylo Ren stays despite the death of his abuser.
Finn and Kylo’s paths diverged from the very beginning of TFA, of course, at Tuanul. It was the start of Finn’s escape and Kylo Ren choosing to enmesh himself all the deeper, and it was the trajectory of these choices that led to them to the events of TLJ.
In understanding Finn’s leaving and Kylo’s staying, not to mention the nature of abuse in general, I don’t think I can emphasize enough that leaving an abusive situation is unbelievably hard.
Isolation is a big part of abuse, and leaving often means
you have little to no support or resources outside that relationship. Leaving itself may be punished by violence, which was very much true in Finn’s case. Finn had to risk his
life and fight through a space fortress just to physically leave. Once
he had escaped he had absolutely nothing and could have died in the
desert but the Force wouldn’t let him, of course. At
the end of TLJ he’s one of about 20 survivors on a space weed van (I will
never not be amused by that expression), marked and
hunted, his future uncertain.
By contrast Kylo stayed, and he
has all the comfort and resources of the First Order at his disposal.
He is powerful and important, heck, he played his cards right and he’s
effing Supreme Leader now. By all external measures Kylo is way ahead in the game.
Then there is the relational
aspect. Finn not only had to brave significant dangers just to leave, he
had to figure out an entire new way of living and relating to people.
You see him doing that even before his escape was assured, when he built
trust with Poe who was a complete stranger to him at the time. Later he became
friends with Rey and BB-8 despite a rocky beginning, even earned Han’s
trust and respect. When Rey asked him not to go on Takodana, he didn’t
tell her she’d be alone without him or she was a bad friend for not
understanding his fear. He bared his soul to her but respected her
decision completely, something no one had modeled for him in the First
Order. He had to start from scratch in so many ways, much like he had to find his way in a trackless desert to survive.
Kylo? He’s clearly
had many models of non-abusive relationships growing up in a loving
home, but he chose to discard them in favor of Snoke’s way of
manipulation and dominance. TLJ’s Kylo and Rey plot was a long exercise
in Kylo roping Rey in with superficial charm and shallow appeals to
sympathy for his own advantage. I believe he was recreating both the way
Snoke manipulated him and the dynamic he had with Snoke, undermining Rey’s self-worth so that she would easier to control, trying to get her to destroy her friends in the ultimate act of isolation like Snoke did with him. This model of relationships was easy for him, intimately familiar through Snoke’s manipulation and abuse. He chose not to explore the possibility of a relationship that did not depend on subjugation and violence, with Rey or anyone else. Despite killing his abuser he chose to continue the same destructive pattern, this time with himself in Snoke’s place.
In a way I can understand Kylo here, because again, leaving often demands a high, seemingly impossible price. I’m pretty sure nothing about Finn’s defection from the First Order inspired Kylo to follow suit, because externally speaking Finn’s life went to absolute shit from leaving and opposing the First Order. Aside from the abovementioned near-death at his former comrades’ hands and wandering in the desert with nothing, Finn was cut off from a once-absolute sense of purpose and became a wanted man. His allegiance went from an absolute power that seems poised to swallow the galaxy to a pack of pitiable losers whose lives could be–and will be, if Kylo has his way–snuffed out at any moment. What could be more foolish? In fact I would not be surprised if Kylo, in his wavering moments, used Finn’s fate as a way to harden his resolve to stay.
Unlike Finn, Kylo also has the additional prospects of prosecution for various war crimes including mass murder, torture, and complicity with genocide to look forward to, not to mention the patricide of one of the galaxy’s beloved heroes. He, like his idol Vader, has earned the kind of hatred and infamy that would outlive him. In addition, were he truly to admit to wrongdoing, the guilt and regret would and should tear his soul apart for the rest of his days. It’s like the line from Macbeth, “I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er.” He could, if he chose, brave the consequences and return to the light. But he chooses to believe he has come too far, and rather than throw away his comforts, his power, his conviction, his purpose, his sense of self-righteousness, and his ability to dominate and control, he chose to continue on his path.
This is why Finn’s and Kylo’s fates still diverge despite killing their respective abusers. For Finn it was a continuation of his journey away from abuse, not only his abusers themselves but the abusive dynamic itself. For Kylo it was a logical culmination of his journey into abuse, to continue the dynamic but with himself as the abuser rather than the victim. Finn chose to break the cycle while Kylo chose to continue it. Rey, who Kylo wanted to take his own place as the victim-apprentice, chose to break out as well and join Finn. She chose to live and fight by his and the Resistance’s side in the uncertainty of freedom, not the glittering cage of absolute power. Snoke may be dead, but as of the end of TLJ he has the last laugh because his legacy lives on through his apprentice, now become the master.
The Supreme Leader is dead. Long live the Supreme Leader.



















