Tag: parenting

I’m confused by this stigma against C-sections in Japan; would they rather the mom just get her pelvis smashed apart with a hammer so the baby can exit the “normal” way? (You’re a badass for yours, btw, and hi to your little one.)

I suspect there’s magical thinking at work here, that natural is always best and if a woman just stuck it out she’d have given birth vaginally…. somehow. There’s also a lot of fetishization of pain as proof of “real” motherhood. I mean, I could have stuck it out while the fetal vital signs deteriorated and possibly given birth to a dead or seriously injured baby, if I had not died myself first. I’d much rather be less of a natural woman while living with a healthy baby. There is much to criticize about hospital birthing practices that make C-sections likelier, but none of that is the fault of individual women. (Thank you while I hold my phone out of my covetous offspring’s reach!)

hitting children is never ok. i dont give a shit what the situation is.

your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord:

lj-writes:

your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord:

I respect your opinion. I just disagree about extreme cases.

There can be extreme cases, like the defense of self and others. In those cases it’s really outside the usual spanking/discipline discourse, other than the fact that kids who are spanked are likelier to have behaviorial problems and be violent.

I don’t believe in regularly hitting your kids for regular kid behavior.

But when the kid starts showing serial killer behavior, in my personal experience, fear of corporal punishment is sometimes the only thing keeping that kid from stabbing his sister while she’s napping.

Um. Maybe at that point it’s no longer a matter of corporal punishment? What if the fear doesn’t work, even once? That’s putting a child at risk of murder on the rather terrible theory that her would-be murderer’s fear of an ass-whooping (as opposed to, idk, watching him and keeping him away from children??) is enough to protect her life.

lj-writes:

Talking to my father is an exercise in holding back screams of rage.

“I’m not blaming you or tearing you down, I’m just worried for your future!”

This, after he went on a five-minute tirade about how I’m going to end up a loser and never amount to anything unless I do exactly as he says. Bitch, like abusers don’t justify the shit out of the former all the time with the latter excuse?

Also, did I mention that “exactly as he says” means assuring a fundamentalist Christian potential employer that I am a good little homophobic Christian? Talk about would literally rather die. There are of course people who are financially desperate enough that they have to do this kind of degrading shit–not to mention seriously abnormal shit, we’re talking about an academic employer here–and I sympathize with that. But I am not in that kind of strait and can’t bring myself to do it, especially at his insistence.

“I think homosexuals are disgusting too, do you think that’s so terrible?”

YOU IDIOT. YOU UTTER FOOL. YOU’RE TELLING ME I’M DISGUSTING AND YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW. This shit right here is EXACTLY why I never came out to you even though I came dangerously close for one heart-stopping second of my life. It’s why there are huge parts me that I will never ever share with you and why we will never be close as a father and daughter should be. I’ve had to let go of that bone-deep hope, a process that took me decades, but I will never stop mourning what might have been. It’s why I would rather die rather than hurt my own child the way you hurt me, despite your disingenuous and insidious insistence that I’ll end up being like you once I’m a parent. Fuck out of here with that noise.

Guess what, asshole, I’m better than you and I am a better parent and better person than you. Not because I’m smarter or richer or anything, but because I do not believe as you do that my child is an extension of me and owes it to me to live as I want them to. I don’t have your fucking sense of narcissist entitlement, and from that alone I’m already light-years ahead of you.

chikabiddy:

lj-writes:

guineapig-crazed:

morbidly-tiny-alice:

prochoice-chick:

Yes spanking your child is abuse

Yes slapping your child is abuse

Yes telling your child they are fat/useless/stupid or any of that is abuse.

Don’t be abusive. Love your kids and those who trust you and are in your care.

How about unless you’re a parent, shut up.

Hmm no thanks 🙂 as a kid who was abused I have really specific opinions on this.

Don’t hit your kids, thanks

I’m a parent. Don’t hit your kids and don’t tear them down.

I have a Master’s degree in Child Development (and I’m a parent, because I guess that’s the only way to have an opinion on parenting??). Don’t hit your kids. It’s abuse. Don’t belittle them. That’s abuse. Don’t ignore them. That’s neglect. 

Care about your kids. Read a couple researched backed parenting books. Stuff your pride, and learn how to be a good parent. It’s not all about instinct. 

My two-year-old and I had lunch with a friend last weekend, and the kiddo was having a grand time eating soup and spilling from his spoon as toddlers do. He loves spooning liquid up to his mouth, even does it with beverage from a cup. My friend commented that I was incredibly patient with him and didn’t scold him at all, and my child was lucky to have such an easygoing mom.

I was completely boggled at this comment. Why would anyone berate a two-year-old for being less than perfect at using tableware? Did I miss some kind of scientific research that says criticism improves hand-eye coordination in the very young? First of all I doubt it, and second of all how is that worth it at all.

I was disturbed because my friend doesn’t have children but has nieces and nephews, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how she watched her siblings and in-laws discipline their children. Is this common in Korea and elsewhere? How could there possibly be any benefit to scolding your children over nothing, and even if there were, maybe frightening them into spilling less soup or some shit, how could that possibly justify discouraging your child from learning and improving, and damaging your relationship with them in the process?

copperbadge:

kungfunurse:

themusicaltrichster:

ka-te-fe-ar:

Help spread the word?

Link: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/flightsforfamilies

this is the fucking organization my mom works with and i’m kind of shook that this came up on my tumblr dash. donate if you can, y’all

@copperbadge is this a legit charity thing?

Yep! Flights For Families is being run by the same coalition that ran the Families Belong Together marches, and processed through ActBlue, which I believe screens its clients because it works for Democratic causes only. 

This is not to scold at all, but I’m now trying to educate people as we go in how to confirm these things for themselves; I didn’t have any special tools or foreknowledge (other than that ActBlue was a Democratic thing) when I fact-checked this. I checked by: 

1. googling duvernay plus “flights for families” in quotes, which led me to a (unfortunately defunct) page about Families Belong Together being the ones who ran it. Because all I could see was the Google blurb and it wasn’t cached, I

2. Googled “families belong together” and “flights for families” both in quotes, which took me to the Mashable page, which included quotes from and links to the chair of Families Belong Together talking about it. 

Remember you don’t have to work in nonprofit or be a researcher to fact-check! 😀