Tag: parenting

Why Grandmothers May Hold The Key To Human Evolution

In this foraging society, it turns out, grandmothers were more
important to child survival than fathers. Mom and grandma were keeping
the kids fed. Not Man the Hunter.

This finding led Hawkes to
completely re-evaluate what she thought she knew about human evolution.
Grandmothers were crucial in this environment to childhood survival. So
maybe it wasn’t an accident that humans are the only great ape species
in which women live so long past reproductive age. If having a helpful
grandmother increased a kid’s chances of survival, natural selection may
well have started selecting for older and older women. (This endowment
would have passed also to human men.)

Why Grandmothers May Hold The Key To Human Evolution

geekandmisandry:

iamfinallybreakingfree:

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries. I may come from a broken and twisted place but I will build something whole and safe. I’ll sing in the shower again, cook with a smile and dance in all the rooms. I will heal.

The only screaming in a house should be shrieks of laughter.

This was my dream and I am building it now with my husband and our small child. When I got married it was almost strange, feeling safe and relaxed in my own home. Now I am giving my child the upbringing I wanted for myself, with kindness, empathy, humor, limits, discipline, and above all love, endless love in a peaceful home without fear or violence.

I feared for the longest time I wasn’t able to be a kind spouse or parent, but it turns out I am. I can’t express how freeing this is because my father blamed me so often for “making” him blow up, “making” him so anxious that he had to control me. He said I would understand him when I was a parent myself.

But no, it really was him and not me, it wasn’t my fault, I am not broken or abnormal, I am capable of happiness and of making my loved ones happy. And now that I am a parent, if anything I am more mystified at my father than ever. How could he look into his children’s eyes and even conceive of treating them with anything but gentleness? He remains a warning to me, the path I could take if I give in to anger or fear, but I know there is nothing inevitable about it. I am responsible for my actions and reactions, and no one can “make” me abusive.

For everyone made to doubt themselves like I was and fears they can’t make a better home than the one they grew up in, it’s not true. It was never true. You can do better and you will do better. It might take a lot of work. You might have to face and unlearn unhealthy patterns and messed-up beliefs to replace them with better ones. You can do it, though. I believe in you.

Bedtime

jabariqueen:

for @finnreyfridays

also available on ao3

Finn stops reading aloud and turns off the holopad when he realizes that Gabriel is fast asleep, his chubby hands clutching his plush toy. The toddler always asks for a bedtime story, but can never stay awake past the first few sentences. Finn smiles fondly, and kisses his son’s forehead. Then he puts a hand on Gabriel’s tiny chest and waits for it to rise and fall, rise and fall like a regular clock. He doesn’t know why, but sometimes he just needs to make sure that his baby is breathing. Reassured, he steps out of the room, leaving the door ajar.

Finn pads down the corridor, stopping in front of Ngize’s room. The teenager is half-asleep, and Rey is lying down next to her, holding her in her arms and singing a lullaby. Ngize looks so peaceful and trustful, a far cry from the twitchy and aggressive child they brought home a few years ago. She was one of the Stormtrooper cadets they rescued from the First Order, and her “childhood” at the hands of these monsters has left her traumatized. But she’s come such a long way since then, and Finn’s heart fills with joy and love every time she’s being her bright, care-free self.

Rey notices him leaning against the door frame, and she smiles to him, still singing. Her eyes twinkle the way they do when she’s happy. Finn stays there, watching his wife sing to their daughter, and feels like luckiest man in the world.