oncerbat:
trilies:
fandomsandfeminism:
oncerbat:
fandomsandfeminism:
So many Pro-Spanking advocates talk about how they “Deserved” to be hit by their parents because they were “a bad kid.” And it makes me so sad.
You weren’t.
You weren’t a bad kid, and you didn’t deserve to be hit. Maybe you were a difficult kid, maybe you struggled with boundaries or rules or expectations. Maybe you had bad behavior much of the time. But you, yourself, were not and are not a BAD person for that, and you didn’t EARN violence. You didn’t have it coming. It shouldn’t have happened to you.
This is exactly the type of thinking that leads people to believe they don’t deserve Hell because they think they’re basically good-hearted. There is a stark difference between discipline and abuse!
Dont hit children.
http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/23732-spanking-does-more-harm-than-good
@oncerbat I’ll bite. In your words, what is the difference between discipline and abuse? At what point does spanking go over the line?
It’s not necessarily the acting of spanking itself, but the reason for spanking. I was spanked as a kid, and I have not suffered any form of psychological trauma into adulthood. Consequently, those who aren’t spanked are usually the ones who feel entitled to everything and get offended by practically everything as well.
Now, if someone spanked kids for just about every minor infraction, then it might carry over into abuse, or if you spank your kid out of anger, but a slap on the bum is supposed to teach kids obedience where they are reminded of temporary physical pain for not obeying their parents, Parents should be feared by their kids. Feared does not mean I’m afraid Mommy or Daddy is going to punch me for no reason. I mean feared as respected. There’s a huge difference between someone who spanks their kid for lying to them vs someone who hits their kid in a drunken rage because they spilled something or spelled a word incorrectly.
What does the non-spanking parent do when their child throws a temper-tantrum in the grocery store? I’m not a parent, but based on my past experience with my parents, I would say it’s perfectly justifiable and not abusive to spank the kid. Why? Because it teaches them respect in a way that’s quick and well-remembered. If you just tell the kid to stop, they’re probably not going to listen.
Spanking is supposed to teach kids respect,self-control, and accountability among others. And it should be mainly used for young kids.
I know this response will face backlash, but if you need further info, read this http://madamenoire.com/40373/8-reasons-to-spank-your-kids/6/
fandomsandfeminism has talked about alternatives to spanking here.
With that said, I will say that my mother spanked me exactly the way you described as ideal: not out of anger, not for every little infraction, always after other punishments had been tried, and she made it clear what I was being spanked for. Heck, she was even sad a lot of times when she “had” to do it!
So here’s a story:
I’m in elementary school, and just learning more complicated math along the lines of division. I’m bad at math now, and I was bad at math then, so I wasn’t getting my homework. It made no sense to me. More than half my worksheet is blank. The logical thing to do would have been to go to my mother, right? Ask for help.
Instead, I hid my homework, hoping desperately that I could convince the teacher I lost it, because I was convinced that if I told my mother that I couldn’t do my math homework, she would spank me. And spanking, being hurt like that, was something I hated and feared more than anything else. The only reason I ended up showing it to her and my aunt who was visiting (at TEN AT NIGHT, when i should have been asleep) was because I realized in my anxiety that my teacher would tell my mother anyway, and I’d still get punished. My mother didn’t spank me for it, but that didn’t get rid of the thought in my child mind.
So that’s what spanking taught me.
It taught me to associate making mistakes or disappointing my parents with pain. It taught me to avoid going to my parents when I was confused, or had done something I thought was wrong. It taught me not to manage my anger in any true way but instead bottle it up, whereupon it would eventually explode, thus getting me in trouble anyway.
And, again, because I cannot repeat myself enough: my mother spanked me in all the ways pro-spanking people say is the right way. She did it right, according to your logic, and I still am messed up by it, a fact I’ve only in recent years come to terms with. And I’m a full grown adult!
A good friend of mine was also spanked, and said none of her issues, as far as she can tell, stem from that. However, she has talked about how damaging spanking can be at length, and I want to share a quote about it with you:
“It is, in fact, possible to spank sparingly, or within some realm of reason, or for kids to not come away from it severely damaged. But it’s possible in the way that winning the lottery is possible. The fact that people have beaten the odds doesn’t mean that the odds are in your favor. Or, in this case, your kids’ favor. You are literally gambling with your child’s emotional and neurological well-being, and their relationship with you, every time you hit them instead of finding a less violent alternative. Even if you are so in control of yourself that you never strike them purely in anger/frustration, and so enlightened that you’re always very careful and thoughtful about just when and how you hit your kids (that is the most ridiculous sentence I have ever had to type, dear god in heaven), you don’t know how your kid will react. You don’t know if they’ll be okay. You don’t know if they’ll come away with respect or fear or resentment or trauma, because that’s outside your control. And what you’re saying is that, frankly, the odds say it’s more likely you’ll damage your kid than not, but it’s worth the risk to you.”
I can talk more about the ways I’ve learned that spanking did me no favors, but hopefully you get the point here. “Discipline” does not mean “violence”.
Aaaaand of course there’s the millions of normal people who are just fine from spanking AND aren’t little psychologically damaged from being properly disciplined lmao like what kid thinks “Oh, I’m bad at math! Best make things worse by not turning in my homework and failing!” Like? Did your mom not teach you to ask for help or ask for someone to help you learn something? Lmao XD
Emphasis on “properly” because you should know what actions lead to a spanking, and what to do to avoid those things.
Our generation is pathetically soft and sheltered and fragile, and that’s the fault of bad parenting. This generation is going to raise even softer, weaker kids (Well, those of us that choose to have kids) and they’re going to crumble and cry and falter at every little thing just like this generation does.
L.J.'s Obsessions 