Luke’s new Jedi Temple in Cloud City. It’s a lot more humble than the Academy from the Prequels, as it focuses on spiritual enlightenment rather than militaristic deployment. Though grass doesn’t usually grow this much on Bespin, a Force experiment created rather lively soil. Lando bought the building next door, so the two can meet for lunch. (Moth)
Alternate Knights of Ren! I named them after classical elements, since Kylo is kind of a messed up Caelo, the Latin word for Air. Also, their design matches my version of Kylo. Also, three of them are played by actors connected to roles in Star Wars movies from each trilogy that never were.
Left to right:
Akquah Ren: A Togruta warrior raised by the ghosts of Nightsisters. Has an undefined romantic relationship with Kylo. The only high-ranking alien in the GU. Wields a lightsaber tonfa. Played by Keri Russell.
Tero Ren: A Human knight defected from the Jedi Order. Strategist for GU ground forces. Secretive to a fault. Wields a lightsaber mace. Played by Ray Fisher, who was considered for the role of Finn.
Piros Ren: A Human soldier from a life of luxury. In charge of negotiations for the GU. Brash but charismatic enough to lower defenses. Wields a regular lightsaber. Played by Rikiya Mifune, whose grandfather was considered for the roles of both Obi-Wan and Darth Vader.
Atherian Ren: A Droid terror recovered from Sith ruins. Expert duelist and eccentric personality. Has a functional hyperdrive. Wields lightsabers from its rotating segments. Voiced by either Colin Hanks or Vinette Robinson, who were both considered for roles in the Prequels. (Moth
(The repetitive, lazy writing is intentional. I’m also really playing up the more ridiculous aspects of the movie. Warning: compared to The Last Jedi, at least, this fic might actually make sense.)
Star Wars: Episode II: The Last Jedi Strikes Back
The EMPIRE reigns. Having discovered the location of the Rebellion, Emperor Palpatine now deploys merciless legions to restore military control of the galaxy.
Luke Skywalker has gone in search of Jedi Master Yoda, certain that he can restore a spark of hope to the fight.
But the Rebellion is in grave danger. As the Empire speeds toward the rebel base, the brave heroes mount a desperate escape….
Chapter I: The Evacuation
The Avenger loomed over the jungle moon, its shadow casting doom on the rebel base. Below, General Rieekan shouted orders, loading transports with evacuees. Above the planet, the Home One waited for the evacuation to complete so the fleet could escape into hyperspace.
Suddenly Rieekan looked up as something massive emerged from hyperspace. It was a Star Destroyer, black and bigger than any Star Destroyer the general had ever seen. It was the dreadnought Eclipse, and it had come to wipe the rebel base from off the face of Yavin IV.
From the Avenger’s bridge, Captain Needa turned and smirked to his commanding officer. “Our first catch of the day.”
“I have my orders from the Emperor himself,” said Admiral Piett with sober triumph. “Wipe them out. All of them.”
As the hearts of the rebels filled with dread, a ship approached the Star Destroyer Avenger.
From the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, C-3PO murmured, “I have a bad feeling about this.”
Chewbacca growled at him, an admonition to be upbeat and think happy thoughts.
“With all due respect, Chewbacca,” came the voice of Ackbar, the fleet admiral, “I’m with the droid on this one.”
“Well, thanks for the support, admiral,” Han snarked from the gunner’s position. “Chewie, open communications.”
Chewie flicked a switch and a signal was transmitted to the Star Destroyer Avenger.
“This is Han Solo of the Millennium Falcon,” said Han loud and clear over the channel. “I have an urgent communique for Admiral Pete.”
“Patch him through,” Piett ordered, walking the length of the bridge. “This is Piett. Your rebellion is at an end. You are all scum and war criminals. There will be no terms, no surrender. We will eliminate your filth from the galaxy.”
Han drummed his fingers on the trigger. “Hello?”
“Yes?” asked Piett.
“I’m holding for Admiral Pete.”
“This is Piett,” the admiral snapped.
“Is Admiral Pete there?” Han demanded. “Can someone please get me an Admiral Pete?”
“I am Admiral Piett,” Piett snapped. “Can you hear me?”
“Piett? With a P?” asked Han. “Bony fella. Big Adam’s apple.”
“That is me,” Piett snapped. “I am Admiral Piett.”
“Look, is anyone even there? Why won’t you answer me?” Han snapped.
“This is Piett of the Imperial Navy,” Piett snapped. “I can hear you. Can you hear me?”
“Do I have the right number?” asked Han.
“We read you,” said Piett. “This is Piett.”
“Look, if I can’t get an Admiral Pete, can I talk to Ensign Ferder?” asked Han. “First name Nerv, is he on?”
“Is there a Nerv Ferder on this ship?” asked Piett loudly to the bridge.
“No, sir,” replied the crew with a straight face.
“There are no Nerv Ferders on this ship,” said Piett to Han.
“Well, that’s obviously wrong,” Han smirked.
Needa furrowed his brow. “I believe he’s tooling with you, sir.”
“Look, I can’t hold forever,” Han snapped. “If you see Piett, tell him I’ve got an urgent message from Admiral Ackbar. About his mother.”
Piett blinked. “What is it?”
“Oh brother. Boring conversation anyway,” Han muttered as he hung up. “Punch it, Chewie!”
Chewie roared and put the Falcon’s new booster to the test, sending Threepio flying into the wall with a wail and a clatter.
The Avenger opened fire, but the Falcon zoomed straight past it, heading straight toward the dreadnought.
“He’s insane,” Piett muttered. He dialed up General Veers on hologram. “Why aren’t you blasting that puny freighter?”
“That freighter is at too close range for our weapons,” Veers replied. “We’ll have to fight them ship to ship.”
“Then unleash our fighters at once,” said Piett, hanging up.
“Ten minutes too late,” Veers muttered. “Launch fighters!”
“That single freighter can’t penetrate our armor,” Ozzell scoffed.
“They’re not penetrating our armor,” Veers snapped. “They’re taking out our surface cannons.”
“Sir,” said Ensign Canady, “ventral cannons are fully primed.”
“Excellent,” said Veers. “Blast the rebel base to rubble.”
The cannons charged and reduced the base to a crater.
Meanwhile, the Falcon dodged and weaved as Han took out cannons effortlessly. Chewie roared triumphantly.
“I know, one left,” said Han. “Looks like we’ve got company.”
A swarm of TIEs zoomed after the Falcon. A blast hit the Falcon, causing a panel to blow.
“Threepio, get down there and patch that up!” Han bellowed.
“I’m going, I’m going!” Threepio called, barely able to stand with all the Falcon’s spinning maneuvers. Sparks were flying from a console in the wall.
Threepio stuck his finger in it and yelped as he was zapped. The sparks stopped, only to explode in two other places. Threepio stuck his fingers in the breaches, yelping each time he was zapped. Soon eight of Threepio’s fingers were in awkward and physically impossible positions.
Chewie roared from the cockpit, asking if the droid had gotten the problem under control.
“I’m running out of fingers!” Threepio cried. He stuck his last two fingers into the sparking mess. Then he shut his eyes and rammed headfirst into the console with a wail. The sparks stopped flying.
Threepio opened his eyes. “I can’t believe that worked,” he said amazedly.
Han blasted the last cannon and whooped.
“Yeehaw!” cried Chewbacca.
“Excellent work, Captain Solo,” said Ackbar. “The fleet is ready to make the jump to lightspeed. Return to the main cruiser at once.”
“With pleasure, your Admiralbleness,” said Han.
Chewie roared and turned the ship back toward the Eclipse.
“What are you, suicidal?” Han demanded. “He said return to the cruiser!”
Chewie roared in retort.
“What do you mean we won’t get far?” Han demanded. “I’ll tell you what, we won’t get very far if we don’t jump to lightspeed right now instead of playing hero!”
“Oh, Chewbacca, please do listen to Captain Solo!” Threepio cried. “This is madness!”
“Chewbacca!” Ackbar thundered. “Return at once!”
Chewie shut off Ackbar’s channel and ordered Gold Squadron to strafe the dreadnought.
“I’m the captain!” shouted Han. “I give the orders around here! You turn this ship around right now, you big hairy idiot, or you’re grounded for a month!”
Chewie roared and pelted the surface of the Eclipse with blaster fire.
The Y-wings began their bombing runs, dropping proton bombs on the dreadnought’s surface. They weren’t making much of a dent, and the TIEs were picking them off fast. The rebel ships began to be caught in one another’s explosions.
From the cockpit of her fighter, Holdo growled in frustration. Her release mechanism was jammed. She reached for the manual remote in the ceiling compartment, but it fell between her feet. Frantically, she attempted to scoop it up with one of her booted feet.
Seeing the other bombers weren’t doing any damage, Holdo realized what she had to do. She shot straight toward the bridge.
“Blast that fighter!” Veers ordered, but it was too late. The Y-Wing was careening straight toward the bridge.
Holdo closed her eyes and stomped on the detonation button.
“Well, f–” said Veers as a sudden explosion engulfed the bridge. A chain of explosions blossomed along the dreadnought, destroying it completely.
Chewie roared in triumph and made the jump to lightspeed.
Piett stood at the bridge of the Avenger, letting none of his fear show on his face.
Needa approached him. “Emperor Palpatine is requesting contact.”
“Excellent,” said Piett. “I’ll take the call in my chambers.”
The Emperor’s hooded head suddenly filled the bridge in blue hologram. “Admiral Piett,” growled the raspy old man.
“My lord, I report that–” Piett’s face smacked into the floor with a crunch as the Emperor used the Force to drag him across the bridge.
“My disappointment in your performance cannot be understated,” snarled Palpatine.
“My lord, they cannot get away,” said Piett, standing up only to slip on the puddle of blood from his nose. “We have them tied to the end of a string.”
The Emperor mused on this. “See me in my chambers at once.”
Chewie and Han stood before Admiral Ackbar.
Ackbar slapped his great fishy flipper across Han’s face. “You’re demoted,” he barked.
“Hey, now hold on just a second!” Han replied indignantly. “Chewie was the one going kamikaze, not me!”
Chewie roared. Ackbar slapped him. “You’re demoted!” he barked.
Chewie roared.
“For disobeying direct orders!” Ackbar barked.
“That’s not fair!” C-3PO protested.
“You wasted valuable lives on a suicide run–” Ackbar growled.
“We took down a dreadnought!” cried Han.
“Enough!” Ackbar shouted. “Lieutenant Solo, your Wookiee is on probation until further notice!” He stormed from the room.
“That’s it, I’m getting out of here,” Han muttered. “Come on, Chewie. We’re leaving this dump before we get into even more trouble.”
Chewie growled and shook his head.
“Come on!” Han snapped.
Chewie shook his head again and roared angrily.
“Fine!” Han snapped. “See you around, pal. I’m going to find Luke.”
Han stormed off to the hangar, muttering all the way.
I don’t know if the link will work, but I made this video about Barriss Offee and Coding! (Moth)
I wanted to add in some senior citizen characters, although they would probably only show up in books and comics. Alternate Sequel Extended Universe?
Left to Right:
In making my latest video, I got awfully sad about how the new canon left Barriss. I’d love there to be some kind of way to bring her closer to her old EU counterpart. Perhaps she was possessed by the Son of Mortis, who corrupted her through the Jedi Temple (a cop-out, but still better than Ventress’s “my childhood sucked” motive or the canonical “Jedi are too violent to not be bombed” motive). In her imprisonment, the Son sought out new targets, but she never plead for her freedom, haunted by her actions. However, decades later, when Luke was helping liberate Coruscant’s underworld, he sensed her anguish. Needing experienced Jedi for his new praexum, and feeling compassion for her suffering, Luke asked Barriss to join him as chief medical officer. Though she’s still mournful for her actions, in her free time she studies ancient Force artifacts, hoping to find out more about the Celestial beings manipulating things beyond the senses.
For Kes Dameron, a peaceful life of nearly 30 years of peace was bliss. He became a skilled farmer, and happily raised his son in honor of his wife. Yavin IV is still relatively unpopulated, but the Mandalorian traders nearby still come visit his farm to get food, and Poe visits every week. Poe cautions his father against letting the Mandalorians know how close he was tied to the Republic, which makes Kes laugh, as he’s been open with them about it for years. I tried to give him a tattered version of Shara’s jacket, and an older, still handsome face that’s found peace in a peaceless galaxy.
The Jedi Younglings arc in The Clone Wars sets up these adorable little twelve year olds and then nothing… nothing in Rebels, or books, or comics, says they survive Order 66, or even that they died. My headcanon was that Hondo knew about the Order and was able to save them. He offered them positions in his gang, but they just wanted a place to be safe. Hondo took them to Florrum, safely out of the gaze of the Empire. When Katooni turned eighteen, Hondo offered her a job again. She accepted on one condition: half of the jobs she took needed to be helping people. Hondo begrudgingly accepted, and she quickly rose to second-in-command, with Hondo giving her his old jacket and hat as gifts. In between then and the new trilogy, Hondo died, and Katooni took over the gang, as well as repurposing Hondo’s old staff.
Wicket settled down after the war, save a few skirmishes in forest environments as favors to Leia, and training New Republic forces in geurilla tactics. He married Kneesaa, who became chief of the Bright Tree Village tribe, and had a child (that showed up in the last drawing). He’s got a wheelchair, which I think, at least to my knowledge, would be new to Star Wars. There’ve been a few floating chairs, but the wheels specifically would require accessibility in the New Republic, which I think could make for interesting stories.
Has this pun been made yet? (Apologies for the crappy photoshop job.)
10. She knew this scene already happened in the TFA novelization
9. She knows how bad of a job Poe did fixing Finn’s jacket.
8. She sizes up her competition for Finn’s affection and is ready for a decent fight.
7. A line was cut where she accidentally says, “You’re BB-8’s dad, right?”
6. Poe’s fly is unzipped, but she doesn’t know how to bring it up casually.
5. Chewie had described Poe as looking “like the latest X-Men movie’s bad guy, but hot,” and she couldn’t agree more.
4. She wants to make friends with Finn’s friends.
3. She’s happy to be meeting more allies in her new fight.
2. She had heard of Shara Bey, just like Luke and Han, and this is a big deal for her.
1. And, most likely, smiling is just a thing people do without it being flirtatious. (Moth)
Since Rian Johnson basically did the same thing to Luke’s character as the Wampa did to Luke’s face, I made a poster of the Battle of Crait.
Note: This is a post submitted to me, and after reviewing it and consulting with an autistic friend I’ve decided to publish it because it is potentially useful information and good advice in general. As with most accommodations, it would make life easier for neurotypical people as well.
One thing I think this essay is missing is that, especially where the person uncomfortable is a woman or girl and the person with Asperger’s is a man or boy, there are good reasons for the woman/girl to fear giving an outright rejection. Most men and boys will not turn violent, obviously, and it’s most certainly not Asperger’s or any other form of autism that makes anyone violent, it’s the general culture of entitlement and objectification that has been taught to men and boys in general. The problem is that she would have no way to tell who is safe and who is not.
Therefore I’d like to emphasize that every situation is different and there might be valid reasons for people to fear setting boundaries in a clear way. I wish we lived in a better world where everyone felt safe having clear and straightforward conversations like the one outlined here. I agree that it’s a good idea for neurotypical people to take the initiative when they judge that it is safe to, and I hope people with Asperger’s will also stay aware of these dynamics and take initiative, such as asking for opinion and advice from neurotypical friends who might catch the nuances better. I’m rooting for you all to be safe and happy in your interactions!
So an Aspie is doing something off-putting. They could be telling jokes that make you squirm. They could be popping their knee to make a weird sound. They could be strongly opinionated and make you wish they’d shut up about it.
Maybe they have a crush on you. You’ll be able to tell. They might act like you guys are way better friends than you are. They might hug you too much and/or at awkward times. They might stand behind you, waiting for you to finish talking to someone so they can have a private conversation with you. They might hang around you at a dance, just kind of keeping an eye on you so they can snag a slow song with you.
And in case you’re wondering, I have done all these things. I still do sometimes, but I’m getting better.
Crushing on you or not, if an Aspie is bothering you, there’s something very important you have to do:
TELL THEM.
THIS. IS NOT. OPTIONAL.
I mean, technically it is, but here’s what happens if you don’t:
1. They keep bothering you because they don’t know they’re doing anything to make you uncomfortable.
2. You get more uncomfortable and distance yourself from them.
3. You break off your friendship (if you had one) and basically do everything you can to block them out because you can’t take it.
4. They realize they screwed up and react accordingly. (Personally, I lower my self-esteem a couple hundred notches, blame myself and listen to Little Lion Man on repeat until anguish becomes depression, depression becomes apathy and apathy dissipates into normality and the pain goes away. I don’t recommend this. The self-esteem scars will linger for a long time.)
Is this your fault? I’m going to say no, because you’re responding naturally and we were bothering you. It’s an annoying neurotypical habit, but we understand your considerate nature makes you loath to admit we’re putting you off. In fact we probably like you because you’re so nice, and we don’t let go of that perception easily. We’d rather assume we’re the exception (and we probably are.)
But the point is, that cycle is internalized and you need to cut it out. We won’t fault you for it. But it’s still a mistake.
I know it’s hard. I’ve experienced it myself, actually, because something utterly unprecedented happened to me recently. Someone had feelings for me. She was nice but not my type and I was a little put off by her forwardness (but having been in her situation myself, combined with the fact that I was starving for this exact experience, I didn’t mind too much.) And it was hard to go up and talk to her about it. It was very similar to when I would try to ask my crush if I’d been making her uncomfortable recently; you look for an opportunity to talk in private, you see what might be a chance to get them alone, you freeze up. I don’t know if this will help, but in my experience an Aspie is pretty much always down for a private conversation about your feelings if you need to take them aside. This is important to us.
If you think they’re crushing, ask them straight up. Honestly, answering yes to that question is way easier than telling you first. Let them down easy. If they don’t have nice guy syndrome (coughs in direction of Aspies who use their awkwardness as an excuse not to change, or worse, to be actively creepy) they’ll understand completely. Although Aspies tend to think if they completely stop making mistakes and be as chivalrous as possible, they just might be able to turn your heart to them. The key distinction here is that those guys understand your favor is something to be earned, whereas NGS types think they only have to be nice to you once before they’re automatically entitled to it. An Aspie recognizes they might never succeed in winning your affections, but what’s the point in not making sure you’re as happy as possible? We’re like dogs. We’ll do literally anything for you, so if you don’t want us to go out of our way to be helpful, you gotta say “down, boy.” Not with those words.
Also, VERY IMPORTANT, we’re not as totally clueless. We learn to smell when something’s up. Problem is we feel paranoid doing it. That’s because neurotypicals don’t always KNOW an Aspie bothering them and their subconscious could be driving you away. Aspies shouldn’t be ashamed of paranoia when it comes to this kind of thing because it’s rarely unjustified. If they come to you, for glory’s sake, DON’T LIE. My crush did this all the time and it turned out awful for both of us. She only got slightly better before our paths separated; she stopped lying but she’d usually ignore the question and let the ‘seen’ speak for itself. (‘SEEN’ does NOT speak for itself! It confuses the HELL out of us 9/10, so DON’T leave us on read! ESPECIALLY IF IT’S A QUESTION!) If she’d communicated better, we might have had a conversation like this:
Her: Hey ___________, can I talk to you for a second?
Me, if this is in person, which is ideal and should always be your first choice: Sure, let’s take this somewhere private. [We do that.]
Me: What’s up?
Her: I don’t know if you know this, but you’ve been doing some things that make me uncomfortable.
Me: Oh no! I’m so sorry! I’d never do that on purpose. What have I been doing?
Her: Well, you’ve been following me around a lot.
Me: I had no idea that bothered you. I just wanted to hang out. I’m so sorry.
Her: It’s alright. You’ve also been hugging me a lot?
Me: Yeah, I had a feeling that was bothering you. I was going to ask about that. I’ll stop.
Her: Thanks.
Me: _______, I want you to know that I care about you a lot and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of me, ever. Is there anything else I’m doing that’s bothering you?
Her: No.
Me: Are you sure? I’ve learned from experience I can’t be too careful. I promise I’ll understand.
Her: Well, you have been telling dark jokes and they make me uncomfortable.
Me: I promise won’t do that around you anymore. Thank you for telling me. Is there anything else?
Her: No.
Me: Often, people will be put off to Aspies subconsciously because we’re different in subtle ways. I need you to be careful to take that into account whenever I make you uncomfortable and you don’t know why. But if you do know why, then just take me aside again. I’m always willing to listen and I’m so proud of you for having the courage to talk to me. If it makes you feel better, I feel nervous trying to talk to you alone too.
Her: That reminds me— do you have a crush on me?
Me: Yes. Thanks— I would have been too nervous to tell you without you asking. Believe me, I tried— remember last time we danced, when I changed the subject and then didn’t say anything?
Her: I remember that. To be honest I’ve kind of known for a long time. I don’t feel the same, I’m sorry.
Me: That’s alright. We’re still friends, right?
Her: Actually, I don’t think we’re that close. Friend isn’t the term I’d use to describe our current relationship, if I’m not being broad.
Me: Would you mind if we got to know each other better and hung out more, so we could become friends?
Her: I’m willing to try that.
Me: Thank you. I won’t expect anything more to come of our relationship than that, even if I may hold out hope that it might.
Her: Alright. Will you understand if being friends doesn’t work out?
Me: Right now, I don’t think I can honestly say if I will, but I’ll be willing to break off completely if it makes you happy.
Her: Alright. Good talk.
Me: It certainly was. I’m glad we’re being open with each other.
If we’d sat down and done that, we wouldn’t have had the train collision that happened instead. (Again, I take all the blame on myself; communicating this openly is a learned practice. And obviously, it’d be awkward if your conversations were as specifically and literally honest as the one above.) This applies to romantic and platonic relationships alike. Heck, try this with non-Aspies even. It’ll probably help your relationship with them and help you unlearn the practice of saying what they want to hear and doing what you really mean. Hypocrisy is terrible for interaction and relationships.
tl;dr: If an Aspie is bothering you, TELL THEM.
L.J.'s Obsessions 