Tag: wtf

sonofkrabkrab:

raptorific:

In any good Avatar comparison you fools would know that Kylo isn’t Zuko, he’s Ozai, because here’s what Kylo has in common with Zuko:

  • Red and black color scheme
  • Scar
  • Angry sometimes

And here’s what Kylo has in common with Ozai:

  • Fascist genocidal dictator
  • Killed his own father to secure his own political power
  • Desperate to exceed the legacy of his famously evil grandfather who rose to power following a betrayal of a lifelong best friend which resulted in an emotional final confrontation in a volcano
  • Nemesis is a new staff-carrying Chosen One who’s attempting to fill the shoes of the last Chosen One who mysteriously disappeared without a trace just when the world needed him most. This new Chosen One is rising from a religious order thought long dead due to a genocide perpetrated by his grandfather.
  • Copied his grandfather’s genocide plan only Bigger
  • Gives himself an Evil Promotion
  • Even the people who once loved him, and the people who see good in absolutely everyone, now acknowledge that he is beyond saving and that even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t be worth it to try.

Technically his father killed himself

You mean Han? Ummm… no. Kylo Ren murdered him.

smartassjen:

katjohnadams:

anais-ninja-blog:

witchcraft-with-space-bean:

avantgaye:

m4ge:

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register:

“Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book.

glumshoe:

fetus-cakes:

finnglas:

did-you-kno:

After the Battle of Shiloh in 1862, many
Civil War soldiers’ lives were saved by a
phenomenon called ‘Angel’s Glow.’ The
soldiers, who lay in the mud for two rainy
days, had wounds that began to glow in
the dark and heal unusually fast. In 2001,
2 teens won an international science fair
by discovering the soldiers had been so
cold that their bodies created the perfect
conditions for growing a bioluminescent
bacteria, which ultimately destroyed the
bad bacteria that could’ve killed them. Source Source 2 Source 3

wtf life is cool

that’s so incredibly specific, what luck!

Another fun thing: the bacterial that causes this, P. luminescens, lives inside parasitic nematodes and releases a toxin that kills the host caterpillars. The gene that creates this toxin is called “makes caterpillars floppy”. That’s it. That’s its official name. 

padmestrawberrie:

adamdriverretirebitch:

“Tlj proved how bad kylo REALLY is”

..HE KILLED HIS OWN DAD IN TFA!!!!!!!!!! HE KILLED HIS DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY TOLD US HE KILLED A BUNCH OF CHILDREN!!!! AND THEN HE KILLED HIS F A T H E R AND TORTURED POE AND KIDNAPPED REY!!!!!!!!! WE BEEN KNEW !!!!!!!!

HE ALSO SLICED FINN’S BACK OPEN LIKE THE DEMON HE IS, HIS SPINE, MAKING SURE FINN WOULD SUFFER 

YEAH THANK GOODNESS WE GOT THE MESSAGE BECAUSE IT WASN’T CLEAR ENOUGH IN THE FIRST MOVIE OR ANYTHING

Hold on- Luke actually milks a sea monster ON SCREEN?? The fuck?? When I saw what I assumed were fake leakers talking about that bit to prove they’d really seen TLJ I figured they took something obscure from the leaked visual dictionary that would never actually be on screen. Like how we see the blue milk but you have to go to wookipedia to find out that its bantha milk. I cannot believe how bad TLJ sounds. It beggars belief.

Take a look for yourself, the cursed thing is on my dash. I’m still in disbelief that this is the final cut of the movie that made it into theaters. Is this some weird fever dream? An epic prank?

worth-three-portions:

On the character assassination of Poe Dameron

I would like to discuss the character assassination of Poe (and Leia by proxy) one more time, as I have just talked to a friend who is a casual viewer and saw the movie yesterday, and said that Poe was so arrogant, chauvinistic and unlikable that he became her least favourite character after Kyle, which just utterly broke my heart. Poe had been introduced in BTA and later TFA as such a wonderful, groundbreaking character: sure, he was the best pilot in the Resistance and he knew it and was rightly proud, but he was never arrogant about it. Instead, we met him as a great strategist and team-leader beloved by his squadron, and as an overall friendly, open, humble and good-natured person with great people skills who immediately understood he could trust this scared, deserting stormtrooper; who refused to call him by a number like some object and offered him a name instead; was constantly positive and encouraging towards Finn during their escape; always knelt down to BB-8’s level when talking to them instead of talking down; in the comics told C3PO to stop submissively calling him ‘Master Dameron’ when it was he, C3PO, who was a war hero people should respect. It was also established that Poe’s greatest heroes and inspirations are his mother, ace fighter pilot Shara Bey, and Leia Organa. So to hear now that Rian Johnson has taken this wonderful character and turned him into a reckless, arrogant macho stereotype caricature who won’t take orders from female superiors just breaks my heart so much. Also although the scene is subtle so some may miss it, Leia and Amilyn Holdo absolutely do joke among themselves that although Poe is a troublemaker, they still like him and keep him around because he looks good. Which… is just so disgustingly vile, disrespectful and objectifying and something the real Leia, who was good friends with Poe’s mother and who knows how brave, competent and loyal to her Poe is, would never ever say. The fact that Rian Johnson thought it would be hilarious to have two white women in positions of power make sexist, degrading jokes about their subordinate who is played by a latinx actor (with the latinx community facing so much objectification and hypersexualisation in the media all the time already, and the fetishization of Poe and his suffering being such a huge problem in the SW fandom itself!) just boggles my mind. But I guess nothing about the extent of that men’s racism should surprise me any more at this point. The only way I might have excused Poe’s sudden personality transplant would be if they had explained it as him suffering from PTSD and trauma after being held captive and tortured by the FO and Kylo Ren. But of course what her son has done to him never comes up between Leia and Poe – instead she slaps and stuns him for good measure. I’m just so unbelievably sad because I don’t know how JJ Abrams could retcon this and make it right and bring back the Poe we know and love. Maybe with the PTSD angle, if done right, but I’m not sure…

“How can I take a beautiful Finnrey moment and make it about R/eylo?”

aimmyarrowshigh:

lj-writes:

diversehighfantasy:

darthporgueisthewise:

The worst thing about this is that there is no apparent consideration of the fact that Rey actually, in canon, reciprocates that concern and care to Finn.

They don’t even try to hide the fact that what they want is whitewashed Finnrey, holy shit.

KYLE LITERALLY GREW UP WITH ADORING PARENTS AND A LOVING UNCLE WHAT THE FUCK MOVIE DID THEY EVEN WATCH

HAN WAS EXPRESSING CONCERN FOR KYLE WHILE KYLE WAS LITERALLY MURDERING HIM HOLY SHIT