First things first, the cast of characters.
Luke=Rey
Leia=Rose
Han=Finn
Chewbacca=Poe
C-3P0=BB-8
Vader=Ren
Piett=Hux
Boba=Phasma
Emperor=Snoke
Yoda=Luke
And, to round out the cast, early introduction of Ackbar and Mothma as Leia and Holdo respectively.
Plot Changes:
1.) The movie starts where ANH left off. Imperial Star Destroyers converge on the Rebel Base on Yavin IV. Ackbar orders Gold Squadron to take out a destroyer but a lot of people die, so he slaps Chewbacca, who was leading the charge.
2.) Han says he’s leaving, since this isn’t his rebellion. Leia tases him and brings him on board one of the fleeing ships.
3.) Obi-Wan tells Luke to go to the Dagobah system, and that Yoda will single-handedly save everyone.
4.) The Emperor uses the force to beat up Piett and yells at Vader to take his ridiculously iconic mask off. For the rest of the movie, Vader’s bald head is exposed to the audience (to humanize him!)
5.) Bald Vader attacks the Rebel Fleet with TIE bombers (but only once). He has a sad flashback to him and Ackbar in the Clone Wars together, but his cronies blow up the bridge anyway.
6.) Ackbar, being a fish, swims back on board and passes out for the rest of the movie. Mon Mothma is put in charge, which gets Chewie’s goat.
7.) The Empire is tracking the Rebellion, slowly, and Mon Mothma has done nothing but stand still for three hours. Han and Leia decide to fly to Bespin to find a master codebreaker to magically disable the Imperial ships, and they bring C3P0 with them.
8.) Luke finds Yoda and tries to give him his lightsaber, but Yoda throws it into a bog. Also, there’s like, little birds everywhere.
9.) Cloud City has slavery and animal abuse, the latter of which is a big problem for Leia, but Han loves the place until he sees a tauntaun get smacked.
10.) Instead of getting Lobot, they settle for Lando, whom C3P0 broke out prison using his coin launcher.
11.) Luke mopes around on Dagobah, but Bald Vader makes contact with him and they begin a creepy back and forth, complete with a shirtless scene and Luke getting over Vader’s killing of Obi-Wan.
12.) Yoda trains Luke, but Luke gets angry when he finds out Yoda tried to kill Bald (only used name for Vader at this point) after he massacred children on Coruscant.
13.) Lando is offered money and betrays his new allies.
14.) Boba Fett shows up, but Han takes him out.
15.) Luke joins Bald on the Star Destroyer, where Bald kills the Emperor across the galaxy, and they fight Imperial Guards in an admittedly visually stunning scene.
16.) Bald reveals he’s Luke’s father, but Luke leaves.
17.) Mon Mothma activates her omega-beam to destroy all of the ships, but she waited too long and the rebellion, out of gas, crash lands on Hoth.
18.) Wedge tastes Hoth and says, “Snow.”
19.) Han, Chewie, and Leia fly out on snowspeeders to stop the AT-ATs, but most of them give up before they get halfway. Han keeps going so Leia shoots him down to give him a line about when they go low we go high. Also, she loves him. Han didn’t know.
20.) Our Rebels safely make it back inside Echo Base, and Bald beats up Piett some more.
21.) Yoda Force projects onto Hoth.
22.) Luke lands on Hoth and every single surviving member of the Rebellion climbs on his X-Wing to fly out of there.
Obviously, make it your own fic, but please do share when done. (Moth)
“Kylo is bad because he had to share his parents with the resistance.”
“Kylo is bad because he was brainwashed and forced to join an evil organization.”
“Kylo is bad because he was neglected and had a bad childhood.”
glowy brain: “Kylo isn’t bad”
quasar group brain: switching meme formats in the middle
Which meme image is: Kylo is bad because a creepy old dude had been psychicly grooming him since he was a kid and every adult in his life either abandoned him or actively turned on him for it?
his dad tried to get him to come home and he stabbed him you fucking moron asfgssggfdubvfy
Calm down son, its a joke not a dick, no need to jump on it so hard.
Nice of you to admit that blaming other character for Kylo’s shitty choices is a joke
Guys, girls , other folk…they are shitty , high budget popcorn flicks..it’s almost certainly not worth getting this invested in them.
Good grief.
At this rate one of you is going end up bombing opening night of episode 9 cos rey/kylo becomes canon.
Says the person who cared enough to interject their unasked-for opinion into someone else’s post 😂 Considering that the “poor widdle Ben” crowd is currently harassing an author over calling him an abuser, my fears are rather the other way around.
You mean like that same way I made a joke to my mutual @sighinastorm And y’all came oozing out of the woodwork because you saw my comment in the notes?
Good grief, I know star wars fans were always a little..involved but at this point I’m expecting a Fatwa and a suicide bomber, should I just commit seppuku with a toy saber now and get it over with or will that not excoriate my sins enough to permit me forgiveness?
It’s called “staying in your lane,” dear, and your side of the fandom is disliked precisely because you are incapable of it.
And goodness, all I observed is what you yourself have rather strenuously insisted–that your comment attempting to exonerate Kylo Ren is a joke. We are actually in agreement and you make this giant leap to suicide bombings, fatwas, and seppuku? What kind of epic fragility 😂
Oh sweety pie, you’re just one of the loons currently hanging around my notifications and inbox but sure it’s “my side of the fandom” that can’t stay in a lane and is dispicable.
All this from making a joke post to a mutual but sure my making hyperbolic jokes about your ‘side’s apparent fanaticism is the fragility on display.
The movies really are not good enough to be inspiring this kind of insanity.
If you’re going to purposefully come onto someone else’s post, maybe be prepared for pushback and don’t play victim lmao. I mean do you really need a Tumblr 101 or
Yeah, we agree. Your original point is a total joke. I made a joke in response to your joke. What was the point of contention again?
My friend’s response to me I took as a joke. Your response to him just seemed abusive. I wonder, do you even follow him? Or were you combing the notes looking for a conflict to brine yourself in?
That would be rather Dark Side of you.
And then you want to say he “purposefully went on to someone else’s post”, like that’s an accusation and an excuse for the way you’re acting toward him. I’m not feeling “Reylo” either, but you don’t see me getting militant that someone else is.
Be a good neighbor.
Hey everyone disagreeing with someone is abusive now 😂
Can we all just appreciate how offended she looks that someone insulted her junk planet? Like she knows it’s trash, but it’s her trash.
Meanwhile Fin who has had the worst fucking time ever on Jakku could not give any fucks. He’s waited 20 years to be sassy and not even the pretty Jakku girl gonna stop him.
The Skywalker’s at Disney World.
Luka is having the time of her life, Finn and Rey are having fun watching her have fun. Seeing her little face light up when she saw Elsa was one of the cutest things ever.
L.J.'s Obsessions 